Communication | Lorne Rubis

Have the Courage and Clarity to State Intentions!

Communication Organizational leadership Respect

Key Point: An important part of being intentional includes knowing what you want, why you want it and stating it with absolute clarity. At a broader level, I like the definition of intentional living from this “Learn to be Intentional” article. It “involves taking responsibility for our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being as well as freeing ourselves from self-limiting conditioning… It requires gaining clarity about what we want, who we are, owning what we say, choosing how we “show up” in all situations, and for how we want to contribute… Truly being intentional requires understanding that our attitudes, feelings, thoughts and actions (conscious and unconscious) directly impact every single one of our experiences.”

Frankly, I think it is seductive to fall into traps of vagueness and generalities that often lead to less understanding and more disappointment. I’ve watched and facilitated groups over many years and when the real hard work involves the challenging grind of finding specificity, it is too easy to fall back on vague words that mean “everything” and therefore nothing. How often have you been in a group discussion, and the conclusion is “let’s agree to COMMUNICATE better?” What the heck does that even mean?

I see this in business all the time. We throw around words or phrases like “customer satisfaction,” “empowerment,” “engagement,” etc. We expect that people know what to do with them. Providing “good customer service” is a common example. Any organization with customers probably declares that intent. So why are our service experiences so unpredictable and varied? Even in the same work setting. Have you been on a plane and received different service experiences during the very same flight? It is likely each person on that flight was self-defining what “good customer service” meant. One flight attendant might think he’s there only for your safety. Another may relish the idea of giving you a great flight experience. They both think they are giving you a customer service performance (unless their organization is very specific and intentional about behavior that is clearly expected). There is a very clear reason and stated expectation why everyone at Umpqua Bank answers the phone, “world’s greatest bank.” Or why a Zappos customer service rep arranges to have pizza delivered for customers.

Character Moves:

Examine whether you are clear enough in stating what you want and expect from others. I’m not suggesting we should run around ordering people to “lick the stamps” before mailing letters. That would be dumb and condescending. However, it is very helpful when we can be clear and specific about what we want. The degree of detail is related to the importance and urgency. Putting on and wearing a Hazmat suit when treating an Ebola patient can not be left to using vague directions like, “take it off carefully.”
Practice being more clear and specific with people around you. Care enough about them to state with intention exactly what you want and expect. This can be done in a respectful and thoughtful way. And of course the other person may have views and even the responsibility to also have specific wants and expectations on the same matter. That’s all the better. When we are all stating with the appropriate specificity what we want and expect, the chances for a good outcome increase.
If you are not sure what you want, state that too. The worse situation is to have people try and blindly satisfy your intentions. How often has someone been “mad” at you and expected you to be a mind reader? I’ve worked for bosses that kept sending me out for a “brick” and when I bring them one back, they say, “no… Wrong brick… Go get another.” Huh!? That’s when I have to stop and ask, “Ok, let’s get into more granularity. What exactly do you want?”

Intentionally stating it in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: People need to remember that it shouldn’t be considered insulting to give direct, detailed orders about what they specifically want. There seem to be two common traps… 1. You don’t want to assume someone doesn’t know what to do, so you let him or her wing it. 2. You think, “well they’ve been hired here, they know what the deal is.” Thanks, but you know what’s worse than being specifically told what to do? A giant, misguided waste of time that results in frustration for both parties… I WANT to do what you want, so give me a game plan, coach.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Talking the Walk!

Accountability Communication Organizational culture

Key Point: Profoundly better organizations have a different language to explain their unique value offering and strategic advantage. It’s like Google’s “Googlism,” Disney’s “cast members,” and so on. These aren’t just cute words, but distinct language that represents a fundamental cultural and business model differentiator. It’s not phony copycat stuff either, like, “let’s call employees ‘associates,’ ‘talent,’ etc. because it’s ‘trendy.’” Differentiators who “talk the walk” create a language that facilitates the translation of unique business intent into competitive advantage.

Bill Taylor emphasized this in a recent HBR blog:

“One of the most ubiquitous aphorisms in business is that the best leaders understand the need to ‘walk the talk’ — that is, their behavior and day-to-day actions have to match the aspirations they have for their colleagues and organization. But the more time I spend with game-changing innovators and high-performing companies, the more I appreciate the need for leaders to “talk the walk” — that is, to be able to explain, in language that is unique to their field and compelling to their colleagues and customers, why what they do matters and how they expect to win. The only sustainable form of business leadership is thought leadership. And leaders that think differently about their business invariably talk about it differently as well.”

After 40-plus years in business, I have seen this principle applied very effectively and not at all. When authentic, it is lead by the top of the organization. This is NOT a feel good consensus, bottom up exercise. This is driven by Founders, CEOs and/or executive teams that have such clarity of vision, almost fanatical passion, and differentiation that people rally and become inspired by words and language that captures the culture; sometimes, unapologetically in almost cult like ways. If people don’t subscribe they don’t get selected and/or are quickly rejected by the culture. Taylor goes on to describe an example of this further in the same blog:

“Quicken Loans ($80 Billion in mortgages) Founder Dan Gilbert and CEO Bill Emerson call this language the company’s ‘Isms’— which is why the rollicking, fast-paced, eight-hour orientation session is called “Isms in Action.” Gilbert and Emerson, who present separately and together over the entire eight hours — an executive teaching marathon unlike anything I have seen before — march employees through the company’s 18 Isms, with a combination of slide shows, stand-up humor, war stories from the trenches, and unabashed appeals to the heart. A few of the Isms get covered in 10 or 15 minutes, some take an hour. But the end result is a full-day immersion in a whole new language — a ‘vocabulary of competition’ that sets the company apart in the marketplace and holds people together in the workplace.”

Character Moves:

How do you “talk the walk” in your organization? If there is nothing there, you probably are part of a “me too” company that uses terns like “customer service” to differentiate you… Blah blah… (Of course if you have no true differentiator other than price and transactions, making up language would be worse).
How about you? Do you have unique language that talks your walk? The Character Triangle can contribute to that. Expressing your translation of self-accountability, respect and abundance gives you a framework to differentiate you from others.
Talk the walk AND walk the talk. You have to do both. Language that differentiates you will help with your personal brand; especially when you have examples and stories how you’ve put the language into action.

Talking the walk in the Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: This is interesting… Everyone is aiming to work for leaders that “talk the walk,” and of course we all know individuals who work for companies that sometimes have enviable “differentiators” that we’d love to be part of… I’m not sure if the name is always important… I care about working for a quality organization, not if my title is clever… There are plenty of Disney “cast members” who dislike their roles, because although they have a trendy title, they’re still bussing tables or stuck in a hot Goofy costume. Sometimes these “creative names” can be cringeworthy. But as long as I’m working for a leader that talks a great walk, then, call me whatever you want to… I’ll get on board.

– Garrett

Blog edited and published by Garrett Rubis

The 10-Second or 10-Foot Rule and You!

Accountability Authenticity Communication

Key Point: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I’ve referred to this quote by the famous and sadly, recently deceased poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou, many times during my writing. Recently I read an interesting Forbes article based on this renowned quote and its relationship to customer experience. The following story in this piece struck a chord with me:

“AT&T’s renewed focus on making its stores the customer service leader in its category. It now has two J.D. Power customer service awards to show for it. AT&T conducted focus group research to develop its ‘10 feet or 10 seconds’ method of greeting a customer. One focus group was greeted within 10 feet or 10 seconds of entering the store. The second group was not greeted nor told how long they would have to wait for service. Each group waited exactly three minutes to be served, and not a second more. Controlling for all other factors, AT&T consistently found that the first group had a significantly better perception of the brand because they ‘felt’ recognized and acknowledged.”

This research got me thinking about the 10-second and 10-foot rule as it might apply to you and me. What happens in the first 10 seconds or 10 feet when people intersect with us? How do we make them feel? Do they feel recognized and acknowledged? This reminds me of the wonderful greeting of the tribe that I wrote about in a previous blog. Translated, the greeting goes… “I see you.” The greeted responds… “I am here.” Customer experience matters and so does the experience we have with other teammates, family, and everyone we interact with. The feeling starts in the first 10 seconds and/or feet and is completed as our personal interaction concludes. Over time, what we build is essentially our personal brand… That’s what people will remember.

Character Moves:

Be mindful of how people feel about you after the first 10 seconds or 10 feet. If we’ve got our heads in our iPad, make people wait, etc, how does that really make them feel? How different is that from immediate eye contact, a warm smile and a greeting that states, “I see you”? Establish your 10-foot or 10-second rule.
Conclude every interaction with “The Value Given Rule.” Each time spent with another human involves a concluding moment. To what extent does it end with you giving another something of greater value, your care, attention, insight, listening, and so on? This does not mean that we can’t have a disagreement or that all interactions are cream puffs and sugar coated. However, if after every connection the other(s) feel that you have given them something useful, they will remember that feeling about you.
Be intentional about the perception of your personal “brand.” How do you want people to remember the way you made them feel? “Lorne made me feel ____?” We will develop a personal brand experience whether we think about it or not. What will be yours’?

Making people feel in the Triangle,

Lorne

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Are You a Super Q and C?

Abundance Communication Empathy

Key Point: I think the best people connectors are exceptional students and genuinely curious individuals. One of many things that these people become exceptionally skilled at is what I call “Super Q and C.” They are remarkably skilled questioners and connectors. They can do question “sprints” or “marathons,” “dives” or “surfs.” They are fearless and relentless learners. They genuinely care about better understanding those they connect with.

Do you ever feel anxious going somewhere, wondering if you will be able to have meaningful conversations? It could be a company event, dinner party, whatever… Super Q and C’s rarely, if ever, feel that way. Why? They direct most conversations by the QUESTIONS they ask. They hardly do most of the talking. They usually do most of the listening and yet are very active in the discussion. They typically apply a model or framework to conversations and relationships. They also do so with intentionality and infinite capacity. What’s your model or framework for people connecting? Are you a Super Q and C?

John Maxwell, one of the world’s most influential teachers on leadership has dinner with the biggest wheels everywhere he goes (Kings, Queens, Presidents, Premiers, CEOs, and celebrities). The “skinny” on a John is: If you’re having dinner, you better get the first question in because John is so relentlessly curious, he will “empty your pockets” through a continuous stream of wonderful, stimulating questions. But you can’t fake this approach. It can’t be a mechanical exercise. The participant has to feel heartfelt interest from you. Maxwell is disarmingly exceptional at learning as much about you as he can. He gets into your grill in the best ways, and before you know it he’s better than your barber, bartender, and/or hairdresser at having you telling all that you know.

Character Moves:

Apply a question and connection framework. If you don’t have one, try steps two through six:
Be present and genuine (don’t be looking over the shoulder for someone more “interesting” and/or at your smart phone.) If you don’t care, why should the other person? Remember it’s about the value of listening and learning about the other person. It is NOT about proving how clever, smart and/or charming you are.
Apply the STP model. Learn everything you can about the person’s situation (S). Find out about their personal targets, hopes and aspirations (T). Explore with them their proposed actions, ideas and or intentions (P). Hence: STP. Ride the conversation for a long and engaging time by sincerely switching between S, T, and P. Do not make judgmental comments or make it feel like a job interview unless you want the connection to stop or fail. To be a master connector, conversations need to be about the other person and not your noisy ego.
As the discussion evolves, find out about what/who they love (their heart) and what they have learned recently (their head). Discovering that about the other, will show you really care about sincerely understanding “who they are.” You will help them feel valued. (Reminder: Don’t be a fake applying this framework. If you aren’t interested in the other person, trying to apply this will be counter-productive and they’ll know you’re phony).
Allow conversations to emerge over time. Often it’s neither practical nor appropriate to follow the conversation to more meaningful depths. And you don’t always have to start the next conversations from the beginning. Press pause and return to the “bookmarked” conversation the next time you connect.
Always debrief in your head after a conversation with others: What did you learn about them? What will you explore next time? What more can you learn about them? What value did you bring to them by genuinely demonstrating your interest in them? How did you improve or increase the connection?

Be a Super Q and C in The Triangle,

Lorne

Edited and Published by Garrett Rubis

Open a Jar of Mosquitos to Get a Buzz

Accountability Communication Contribution

Key Point: I have a regularly scheduled 60-minute weekly meeting with my boss, the company CEO. The other day, half way through our regular meeting, I realized he was fighting to stay interested. Sure, I was updating him on all the great stuff I had going on, all very important to me. But was I offering him anything really interesting or novel to help him with his agenda? By pausing and asking if he was getting anything out of our discussion, we redirected and went into a white board free for all… We ventured into new, potentially more impactful territory.

It made me reflect and remind myself, when spending time with someone we’re trying to influence (boss, colleague, sales prospect), we may bring more value to the relationship by asking ourselves the following questions: Am I teaching or sharing something he/she doesn’t know? Have I introduced them to material that’s unexpected, surprising or offers a new and novel solution to an old or new problem they care about?

I love the following story shared by Carmine Gallo in his recent HBR article.

“In his 2009 TED presentation on the impact of malaria in African countries, Microsoft co-founder and philanthropist Bill Gates shocked his audience when he opened a jar of mosquitoes in the middle of his talk. ‘Malaria, of course, is transmitted by mosquitoes,’ he said. ‘I brought some here so you can experience this. I’ll let these roam around the auditorium. There’s no reason why only poor people should have the experience.’ He reassured his audience that the mosquitoes were not infected – but not until he grabbed their attention and drawn them into the conversation.

As neuroscientist Dr. A.K. Pradeep confirms, our brains can’t ignore novelty. ‘They are trained to look for something brilliant and new, something that stands out.’ He should know. He’s a pioneer in the area of neuromarketing, studying advertisements, packaging, and design for major brands launching new products.”

Jonah Berger, a professor of marketing at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania, analyzed 7,000 New York Times articles published during a three month period to see which ones made the most-emailed list. His research, captured in What Emotion Goes Viral the Fastest concluded that we are compelled to share something that makes a real emotional connection and gets our hearts racing and blood pumping. Anger and awe are two such emotions that drive people to action.

Character Moves:

First of all, acknowledge that you will bring more value to relationships when you are capable of sparking a positive, emotional response from your “audience” by ideally introducing something new to them at the same time. The two elements: Novel and emotional, are more powerful together. You are the connector.
Determine ways of being surprising and novel… Bring something “brilliant and new that stands out” as Pradeep suggests. I’m not suggesting this can practically happen in every interaction, however, by asking yourself the question, you may be surprised how much more effective you are in getting people’s attention. Open that jar of mosquitos.
Look for the emotional connection. Ideally when people can connect a literal or metaphorical picture of a desired future state to what you’re discussing, they feel compelled to act. This often results in momentum and sustainable results based on value you have provided.

Creating the best buzz in the Triangle,

Lorne

Connecting the Dog, Blue Speeding Car and Your Story

Accountability Communication Purpose

Key Point: Write! You HAVE to self-author. Of course you don’t “have” to do anything you don’t want to, but I’m imploring you to take the time to try it. Something like this is probably going on in your head right now… “Rubis… When the heck do you think I’m going to find the time to do this?” Ok… Read first, and then let’s see where we end up.

Remember the grade school boy named Jack in my recent “Love That Dog” blog? Referencing that most glorious children’s book, young Jack heals himself by writing poetry about the tragic loss of his companion and loving pet. In my most recent blog I discussed the contribution to achieving self-defined success based on the idea of “writing” an intentional story of oneself connected to self-purpose and an evolving idea of the future. And in writing my blog, I know that the biggest benefactor has been me. In the leadership work I’m doing to help a thriving, aspirational company evolve, I’ve attempted to make writing part of our personal development system.

My conveyance to you until now has mostly been an emotional appeal based on some research and my personal insights. Then by total happenstance, last week, a thought leading colleague introduces me to Dr. Jordan Peterson who is conducting break through research on personal development. Dr. Peterson is a mega-influencer in numerous areas pertaining to personal growth and the following is what Peterson has to say about SELF WRITING based on superb research:

“Writing about uncertainty, past, present, and future, has multiple benefits. Such benefits do not appear bound by conventional categorical domains, as they encompass psychological well being, physical health, cognitive ability and task performance.

It appears possible that writing, which is a formalized form of thinking, helps people derive information from their experiences that helps them guide their perceptions, actions, thoughts and emotions in the present. Drawing specific, causal conclusions about life’s important events may also help reduce the burden of uncertainty and threat that may remain active, emotionally, even years after a traumatic event occurred.

Clarifying purpose and meaning into the future helps improve positive emotion, which is associated with movement towards important goals, and reduces threat, which is associated with uncertainty and doubt, and which may be experienced as hopelessness, despair, and lack of meaning.”

While the profound benefit of journaling has been around for years, this advanced work by Peterson and other scientists is more targeted and refined. This is BIG! I’ve looked at the underlying research and the evidence is lightening bolt clear. But most of us need some guided facilitation… Some framework based on this good science. So the following is very specific, immediately applicable, action you and I can intentionally take NOW:

Character Moves:

1. Go to this self authoring site. Check out the research and scientists behind the work.
2. Watch Dr. Jordan’s eight-minute video below. Make your own determination if this is worth adding to your development system.
3. Please consider investing in the self-authoring series. You can DO THIS AT YOUR OWN SPEED and TIME. Make it a journey of joy NOT just another thing to do. Make it a gift to yourself and not more cluttered burden. (Please note I have NO commercial or financial relationship with this site or any of Peterson’s work at all).
4. To help you complete the self-authoring, consider downloading this wonderful little application, Carrot, to make it even more fun and to help you build a habit system.
5. Go self write.

Self-authoring in The Triangle,

Lorne