Kindness | Lorne Rubis

The Wake We Leaders Leave Behind

Kindness Organizational leadership Respect Teamwork

True Story: (NOT from my current organization). An executive runs into her direct report on the elevator and it’s only the two of them going up 10 floors. The team member says a cheerful “good morning,” to her boss. The response from the so called leader… Nothing. She “ghosts” her employee by totally ignoring her. Why? Because she wants the employee to transfer or quit, and doesn’t want to pay severance. This executive somewhere learned that this disrespectful process is somehow a viable technique to restructure a team, or eliminate an employee. One thing this “big” boss did say to this same employee – “well if you lost a few pounds, you might have more energy.” Wow. Even though the details have been altered, I know the essence of the story is true, and a facsimile of this happens in many organizations TODAY.

Key Point: Leaders leave a wake behind them that people remember forever. And as acclaimed poet Maya Angelou famously noted: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” How will people remember you as a leader? How will you make them feel?

I co-facilitate a leadership session about once a month in our organization. During the workshop, we ask people to talk about leaders that have had a positive or negative impact on them. The conversation immediately ignites and many stories are shared. The stories of leaders are about one positive to five negative. You can feel the heat of the negative stories by observing tears, flushed cheeks, head shaking, shrinking back in chairs, and much more. Often these recounted negative leadership stories are decades old, yet in an instant, the storyteller rapidly descends into the painful emotions of that experience. While the details of the memory may have diminished, the impact never goes away.

Leaders may benefit from being reminded about how much of an impact we have on how people feel. Sometimes we forget and think “it’s just business.” Yet, as we practically know, it’s never just business and ALWAYS personal.

Personal Leadership Moves:

Remind yourself what a privilege it is to lead, and that we have a lasting effect on how people feel (good and bad) under our leadership.
Be intentional in defining your leadership brand. What will your leadership legacy be? One way or another, you will leave a wake behind you.

How you feel in Personal Leadership,

Lorne

One Millennial View: I appreciate this and hope that leaders do realize they will leave a wake. However, to us Millennials, we should prepare and know that not all of our leaders will be aware or care about this. Bad leaders are going to happen. They just will. The cool part, is you can learn a whole lot about how NOT to lead from a superior doing a terrible job. It’s our job to keep learning no matter what the circumstance.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Garbage Men Dave and Rudy Teach Us WOW

Abundance Community Kindness

Key Point: Our company has a value based on WOWing each other on a daily basis. I often have people look at me in bewilderment when we discuss this, like “how could I possibly do that in my role?” Well, look for guidance from Nova Scotia garbage men Dave and Rudy. You may want to watch the video in this CTV News article:

“Every Wednesday, three-year-old Hiro Getson walks to the end of his driveway, sits down and waits for the garbage truck. Like many kids his age, the toddler from Eastern Passage, N.S. has developed a love of big trucks. But even stronger than that early fascination is his unlikely friendship with two garbage men he greets each week.

Dave Nickerson said he and his colleague, Rudy, have developed a weekly ritual.

Hiro Getson, 3, and his mom check out a garbage truck at the end of their driveway.

‘Rain or shine, he’s at the end of the driveway. So we started watching for him, honking the horn for him, getting out and letting him play with the handles,’ Nickerson told CTV Atlantic.

Since Hiro took an interest in the garbage truck and its drivers last year, he’s baked them cookies and, most recently, gave them cards on Valentine’s Day. To repay the little boy’s kindness, the garbage men brought Hiro a special gift this week for his birthday: a toy garbage truck that resembles his favourite ride. They painted the truck the same shade of green and included small, personal details.”

So now, Hiro has a cool garbage truck with Dave and Rudy decals on the toy doors. And, Dave and Rudy make this child happy every Wednesday while getting his affection, occasionally expressed in cookies. If you Google this trend, there are actually quite a few stories where garbage men see themselves as more than people who take away our refuse. They bring cleanliness and friendliness to the community. They could just be cantankerous workers, feeling victimized by their role and frustrated by the underlying aspect of garbage. It’s even likely some days are that way for Dave and Rudy. However, what a difference when we have the ability to reframe what’s in front of us. Let’s face it, everyone of us picks up garbage in our work. What if we challenged ourselves to reframe our jobs with a little bit of WOW?

Personal Leadership Moves:

Pause to think how we might WOW someone we interact with regularly. It doesn’t have to expensive or big. It is often just the statement that: “I see you, and appreciate that you’re there for me.”
Be like Dave and Rudy this week. Wow someone who faithfully comes out to see you “every Wednesday.” Buy ’em a toy truck. Yay for Dave and Rudy’s inspirational act.

More than garbage in Personal Leadership,

Lorne

One Millennial View: I remember when one of my co-workers (who I didn’t really interact with much at the time) attended The Masters golf tournament with her husband. I was the only worker on my team interested in the event, and most other employees didn’t understand the appeal. Well, when I returned to my desk the week after, the co-worker who attended The Masters left me a small, green, plastic cup she acquired while there. It was likely free, but it was the idea that she hauled it back from Augusta, Georgia that meant so much. I still use it as a water cup on a regular basis. Definitely a WOW move.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

I Want to ‘DWD’ You!

Abundance Gratitude Kindness

Key Point: Being abundant through appreciating and recognizing other people is so gratifying. We are all rich and our “giving checking account” is flush, when it comes to acknowledging others. The beauty is that this personal bank account for giving and sharing our caring observations is infinite. We are all recognition “billionaires.” Even better, giving recognition is scalable and we never have to worry about getting “appreciation fatigue.” Genuinely recognizing others is an energy booster.

I’m not sharing anything new with this blog. You already know this. I’ve written about it many times. My sole purpose with this post is to encourage each of us to examine how we’re currently doing in this regard, and to take some action today. However, no guilt trip is intended, just a nudge. (I need a self prompt too).

When we think about it, there are so many people that we can acknowledge. This has nothing to do with whether people deserve it, have earned it, receive too much or too little. This is much less a statement about the people we are recognizing than the self-awareness to observe that people do something every day to make our lives better. And we owe it to ourselves and others to SEE these people. One way to confirm our sight is to sincerely let others know. Acknowledging others in a fully abundant way does NOT include “matching,” expected reciprocation, or anything else. A true gift of appreciation comes with NO strings attached. None. Zippo. It is not dependent on anything other than the idea that you and I simply and purely want to acknowledge. It is all about taking action on something we see as the right thing to do. We are the sole determiner of who, what and how. We are simply the givers.

For more than 40 years, I’ve been sending out DWD’s (Darn Well Dones). It’s not my idea. I heard about someone doing this and shamelessly applied the practice. I used to even have a “DWD” stamp that I put on hand written cards. For the last few years it’s been mostly digital. People have come up to me years later with a crumpled DWD card in their wallet or purse. We ALL want to be seen and appreciated for our contributions. It’s not that we need it in an unhealthy way, but we do in our simple human desire to be loved.

Personal Leadership Moves:

Before the day is out, find some way to recognize, appreciate, and acknowledge someone. Sincerely tell them what they do to make your life better. It may be the everyday smile they give you in the morning, and/or something with more heft.
And DWD to all of you for reading this blog, encouraging Garrett and me to keep writing, and telling us we have somehow connected with you, often just when you need a little extra juice for your day.

DWD in Personal Leadership,

P.S. if everyone reading acknowledges someone today, we will have embraced more than 5,000 people. Imagine if we could keep the chain going. We could literally change the world.

– Lorne

One Millennial View: For better or worse, there’s reportedly a biological and scientific reason a “like” on social media (Facebook, Instagram, etc.) is desired by us humans. Apparently, it delivers dopamine to our brains. It doesn’t take much to click a “like” button, but a DWD… That kicks it up a notch. So, it’s no surprise people keep DWD’s crumpled into their wallets as keepsakes. They are a harder earned “like.”

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Women Carrying the Casket

Contribution Kindness Respect

Key Point: My mother-in-law, Louise Crowley, passed away last week. She was 96, a remarkable human, and someone I’ve known and loved for 50 years. One of her dying wishes was to have her granddaughters (including our proud daughters who also loved her so much) be the pallbearers at her funeral. My wife, her daughter, is giving the eulogy. What statements.

Louise was of a generation where her physical presence was most obvious in the kitchen and in service to eight children, the church and community. However, if one came to the conclusion that that’s where she “lived,” as quiet “wallpaper” in a very male-dominated household/world, you would be very mistaken. Her voice was soft, but her personal strength was harder than diamond. This is her legacy: A quiet voice that boomed out notes of “soft steel,” singing the lyrics of decency and righteousness, setting examples for ALL. Her, behind-the-scene life of service and undying kindness became center stage inspiration for the women in the family, and much needed guidance for us men.

The sacrifices and tireless work of the Louise’s in the world seem to be the underlying foundation of a much needed women leadership movement that is surging globally. The world seems to be crying out for women everywhere to lead in full stride.

On Jan. 4, 2018, Melinda Gates published the following:

“You may never know their names. They work beneath the headlines and far from the spotlight. When they receive formal recognition from bodies like the Nobel Committee, it is the exception, not the norm. But the fact remains: Under the radar, grassroots organizations led by women are quietly changing the world… In recent years, governments like those in the Netherlands and Canada have invested significant resources in women’s movements, and I hope that others will follow suit. You can be sure that Bill and I will. Over the next three years, our foundation will be investing in women’s funds like Mama Cash and networks like Prospera, which provides financial support to women’s funds and grassroots women’s organizations in over 170 countries, spanning Africa to Asia to Latin America.

Imagine what’s possible if the world decides to partner with these organizers as their allies. Imagine how much more we can accomplish if the women who are doing so much to move the world forward finally have our full support behind them.”

Personal Leadership Moves:

Men: We have an opportunity to redefine our full partnership with women and respectfully build on our collective unique strengths to exponentially advance humankind.
Women: Be relentless in advancing the movement to the full partnership you deserve everywhere; including carrying the “casket” when appropriate.
Louise… Thank you. Your quiet contribution as a woman leader will be a hum in the background forever. You remain.

Women in personal leadership,

Lorne

One Millennial View: Grandma Louise, whether she knew it or not, had such a positive impact on everyone who knew her. In effort to bring awareness to another great person, I think both men and women Millennials should start taking notice of Tyler Haney. Still in her late 20’s, she’s the founder and CEO of Outdoor Voices (an athleisure brand that is competing with Lululemon and Nike). Her company and motto of “Doing Things” is outstanding, and taking the industry by storm. Getting to know her now is like getting her “rookie card.” I’d like to put less focus on the “men” or “women” thing, and strive to be a “Tyler.” Grandma Louise was.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Respectfully and Safely Yours

Kindness Organizational culture Respect

Key Point: Personal safety and the feeling that accompanies it is a freedom that we need to fiercely protect whether at work or anywhere.

I remember the first time I was in Tokyo in 1989. I was returning to the hotel after being out for the evening and it was well past midnight. What struck me (there were a string of news stories of women being assaulted in large North American cities at the time) was seeing Japanese women walking home alone, very late at night, and obviously feeling very comfortable. My understanding is that it’s still that way in Japan.

In 2001, I had an opportunity to travel to Israel and it surprised me how much Israelis had become accustomed to massive increased security; no bulky outerwear allowed in the nightclubs, razor wire around the beaches of the resort we stayed at, bomb checking under every car with long mirrors, etc.

The other day I was at a downtown theater in Seattle seeing a family movie. The pre-movie announcement encouraged attendees to: (I’m paraphrasing) silence your phones, refrain from texting, do not disrupt other movie goers with loud talking, and look for the emergency exit to escape… Hmm. And of course, there is the horrendous airport security we have unfortunately come to accept.

I went to a conference last year with about 1,000 people in attendance, and one keynote speaker used the F-word 27 times in his speech (my seatmate counted). Interestingly, he was from the media firm, VICE (now being criticized for its alleged toxic, harassment oriented culture). When I go to my fitness club, the locker room is filled with men mostly in their 30s/40s, using the F-word as a hyphen. It sounds ridiculous. Why talk like that? Hey, I may sound prudish, and people who know me know I use the F-word from time to time. That doesn’t mean it’s right.

I don’t want to come across as self-righteous or preachy. However, I wonder how might we live in a society where:

Anyone can walk anywhere alone and feel totally safe.
We can attend any event and enjoy the experience without looking over our shoulders.
We think before we say and do, first about the well-being of others we impact instead of it being about “me first.”
We invest in treating mental illness with the same vigor as we do physical ailments.

By now you may be scoffing at my naivety. Ok, I accept that, but I still ask “why not?” Why not make this way of thinking and living as something we aspire to, versus the self defeating acceptance that we need to invest in more personal security? Buy more cameras, more guns, more physical and psychological armor? Why not start a personal safety movement? One of us at a time.

Personal Character Moves:

For those of us fortunate enough to be in formal leadership positions, we can create totally safe and very results-oriented environments. Let’s commit to this.
For all of us, how about being more respectfully present to those around us and take care of the little things? Hold the doors open for those behind us, choose our words wisely, see and really notice others, and listen with inclusive care.
Attack problems, issues, process and behaviours; never each other.
Apologize when we hurt others, which we know in our imperfect way, that we will surely do.

Respectfully committed to a safer New Year,

Lorne

One Millennial View: Couth and courtesy should absolutely be on the forefront of our minds in professional and personal life, and I imagine for our readers, it mostly is. Otherwise you probably wouldn’t care about the values of the “Character Triangle.” I don’t think this is preaching to you. But as Millennials, we can only control our own behavior, and we cannot expect a “perfect” world where locker rooms don’t have F-bombs, and airports don’t sometimes have real bombs. That ain’t gonna happen. As a staunch supporter of the first amendment, I don’t want a world where loudmouths can’t say whatever they please (of course, there could be social consequences). Still, we can do our personal best to practice better values, and hopefully the freedom to do so will be more influential and attractive to others than the equal freedom to act like a jerk.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

The Perfect Gift For All… No Returns Required

Abundance Kindness Well-being

Key Point: Our Character Triangle fans know that ABUNDANCE is one of the big three values we emphasize. When I wrote the book (almost 7 years ago now), it was the least understood and appreciated of the three (Self-Accountability and Respect being the other two). Now thanks to people like Peter Diamandis, and other high profile thinkers well beyond my capability, ABUNDANCE has risen to the top of the value “hit parade” This noun comes to us from the mid-14th century French, via the Latin abundantia, meaning “fullness, plenty.” Rather than a noun, I think it is most powerful as a verb. To make it more accessible in daily life and especially when many of us are in a somewhat reflective mood this time of the year, I’ve presented a few underlying ways of thinking/acting that support a mindset of abundance. And I think these precepts are more than that mind-numbing, self-help pablum.

Begin from a place of generosity/giving/love rather than a place of lack. If you’re inviting abundance in order to feel more worthy of love, attention, or approval, and the energy behind the intention is LACK or scarcity, it will likely and somewhat counterintuitively attract more of the same.
Consider and even practice non-attachment. Recognize and know that you have what you mostly need, no matter what you receive. Understand that attachment repels abundance while reasoned detachment seems to attract. This does not mean acting with detachment as much as not feeling possessive. Everything material ends one day. By the way, this thinking is contributing to the shared economy. Eg Uber, Airbnb, etc.
Know how to accept. People who consciously create their lives understand that there are no extra or missing pieces in the moment. Accept that everything that is happening contributes to your continued growth and evolution. This does not mean it’s easy or that we have to like our current circumstances. What we chose to do about it is what counts most.
Put yourself in surroundings that are positive. People who manifest abundance make conscious decisions to surround themselves with others who see the world as abundant rather than people who see the world through the lens of lacking. Get out of toxic places and do not waste your precious time hanging out with negative people. They have to fix themselves. You cannot fix others and yet you can still love them. However, the self-guilt to keep poisoning yourself is not right.
Know the difference between inspired and fear-based action. We tend to run away from things that scare us. Inspiration attracts, so if you want to attract abundance, allow your actions to be driven by inspiration and purpose rather than fear. Understand that fear-based action repels while inspired, purposeful action attract abundance. Have the courage to take reasoned risks. Do and try things. Fail, get up and do more stuff. Experiment and keep moving forward.
Interrupt old money patterns and recognize money is the means, not the end. Did you learn any stories about money growing up? “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “The love of money is the root of all evil.” “Money changes people.” “You have to work hard to make money.” Etc. There may be some truth in all those crazy sayings. But having an abundance mindset is NOT about money being our purpose. Ironically, when we chose and live with clarity of purpose, inspiration and generosity, enough money seems to find its way to us. I’ve found that people who talk about money all the time never have enough. They mostly live in lack, scarcity and fear (and complain a lot).
Learn how to give more without expecting reciprocity. Just give because YOU want to, NOT because you are expecting some response or thing in return. If you do, you will likely be disappointed. People most appreciate our genuine presence, care, compassion and listening. And we can never run out of these. Just give more of yourself. You’re worth it. So are the ones you love.

I’m obviously not naive to the extra challenges related to “Black Swan” events like war or natural disasters. When we are in pure survival mode, our abundance mindset gets assaulted. However, incredible people like Victor Frankl taught us so much from horrifying experiences like Auschwitz (read Man’s Search for Meaning). So there is a compelling argument for abundance in any environment.

Personal Leadership Moves:

On Christmas Day, regardless of one’s beliefs, it just seems right to me that we all get to unwrap, gift and re-gift ABUNDANCE. It sweetly keeps giving everyday, and never needs to be returned. No receipt or tracking number required.

Abundance in the Triangle,

– Lorne

One Millennial View: I too was fairly new to the concept of Abundance when the Character Triangle was first written, but now it’s the trait I too find most valuable and “telling” regarding character. From a Millennial perspective, Abundance can even be found in text messaging culture. Send people in your life texts because you want to, not because you need or expect a the perfect response.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis