Happiness | Lorne Rubis

Hardy Optimism is a Choice

Key Point: The world serves up what we experience. It’s as easy and as difficult as that. Most of us are taught and even pushed to dream and have aspirations. Certainly, the children of baby boomers have been mostly encouraged to think and even plan on life rolling out according to the general “onward and upward” pattern of their parents; go to school, get a post secondary education, even better if it’s a graduate degree, meet a partner, acquire what you can, perhaps raise a family and live happily ever after. However while the actual data is that those who get a graduate degree actually do make more money, we know that our life/situations are totally and uniquely personal. Everyone has some distinct combination of so called “ups and downs” in a life/career. While we contribute to a statistic or trend, that data oversimplifies who we are and what’s specifically happening around us.

Emily Perl Kingsley, a celebrated writer, was asked to describe what it was like raising a child with a disability. She used an analogy of planning a trip to Italy with all the anticipation that accompanies such a wonderful journey. However when landing, the traveler is told that the plane is unexpectedly ending up and staying in Holland. Holland has much to offer, but it’s not Italy. Soon everyone is coming back from Italy bragging about the wonderful time they had there. She points out thoughtfully, that the pain of losing that Italy trip will never go away, because the loss of the dream is significant. Most importantly she then goes on to state,” however if you spend the rest of your life mourning the fact you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be FREE to enjoy the special, lovely things about Holland.” When some people do unexpectedly land in “Holland,” why do they feel so helpless and stuck in the mud?

I’m saddened when I meet people who feel unfairly victimized by the unplanned and unexpected situations they’re in. And yes, the “Holland” is much worse for some… It’s understandable that the pain of loss and things not going according to a dream is real and lasting. Yet like NFL coaching legend Vince Lombardi famously expressed, “it’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get back up.”

Character Moves:

Learn and practice the skill of reframing! This is much more than “just blindly thinking positively.” It involves consciously shifting your mindset into a more opportunistic state by asking, “what is the opportunity in THIS?” If you genuinely answer that question, you change the look of the information or situation by literally changing the FRAME around your challenge or even existence.

In a famous study of executives who most effectively managed work stress and difficulties, (Illinois Bell, by Kobasa and Maddi) three big factors emerged: Strong social support, exercise and most importantly, personal hardiness. And the exceptional insight on hardiness was this, “If one has an optimistic appraisal (yet still realistic and honest) of events, it most often leads to decisive action that will alter those events!” An optimistic appraisal is the CHOICE to view personal events (including those landings in “Holland”) as interesting, important, subject to influence, and a potential for tremendous personal growth. That is personal hardiness!

Remember: An optimistic APPRAISAL often leads to decisive ACTION that alters a situation.

Hardy ho in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: I’m approaching my 30^th birthday, and in all honesty, I’m freaking out about it a little bit. Let’s just say I don’t want to dwell on the idea for long periods of time because if you were to ask me 10 years ago (as a freshman in college), I think I had a couple different ideas of where I’d be and what I’d be doing at this time… That’s when I remind myself that my life, like many millennial’s, is representative of the “pizza” theory. While some pizza slices are clearly better than others, at the end of the day, it’s still pizza… (Pizza snobs aside, the idea is there’s no “bad” pizza). Sure, I have my plans/goals for the gourmet parlor life in the future, but the “Papa Johns” life isn’t so bad in the meantime.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Smile, Flap and Step To Success

Books Happiness Respect

Key Point: Happiness and forward action fuels success, not the other way around. It’s that simple and that complex. It’s that easy and that difficult. Shawn Achor‘s book, The Happiness Advantage, draws on tons of rigorous Harvard driven research, and practical experience to demonstrate that this principle is a truism.

Achor introduces seven practical and actionable principles that are tried, tested and true in demonstrating how we can apply what he calls, “The Happiness Advantage,” to maximize our personal potential. While we learn and read about these principles, I’m going to share a short cut to accelerate this path to success.

He refers to an activity he has applied with thousands of people in a variety of situations and cultures. He breaks groups up into pairs and instructs one person per couple to use every bit of their self-discipline to show NO emotion, regardless of what their partner says or does. He then brings in the other person and instructs them to simply look the other person in the eyes and smile. Literally every time, usually within a few minutes, the person instructed to use discipline and show no emotion, ends up flashing a reciprocal smile or even erupts in bursts of laughter. This is the foundation of something called the “ripple effect.”

You likely have heard that a single butterfly flapping its wings can create a hurricane halfway around the world (Aka, the butterfly effect). The point is that every small change can trigger a bigger one. And I recently read a poem by Antonio Machado that states: “Walker, there is no path. The path is made by walking.” The poem reinforces that we all have only one real choice in front of us, which is to take a forward step. The step is more important that looking and waiting for a perfect path. That expected trail most likely doesn’t exist.

Character Moves:

Embrace the research, science and belief that self-happiness leads to success, not the other way around.
Genuinely walk through your day, consciously looking people directly into their eyes and smiling. Positivity is contagious. (Be honest… How much do you look people directly into their eyes and smile before EVERY intersection)?
Flap and step! It is forward action that causes a ripple effect. Do not worry that there might not be a path. Do not worry if you can fly. Just flap and step and you will cause a ripple!
Read and apply Achor’s seven principles to get real, sustainable momentum. However while everyone, including you, is studying and learning the seven principles, remember that smiling, flapping and stepping will create a positive wind, and maybe ripple into much more!

Smiling, flapping and stepping in the Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: In today’s sometimes-hypersensitive society, I’ve read/heard that a smile from a stranger can be perceived as something “more” than just an expression of positivity. Some assume there’s an agenda attached. It’s troubling. I don’t think that should be the case… But unfortunately, a smile from well-dressed doorman in New York City (nice to see you too, sir) could be received differently than one from a homeless person on the corner (oh he wants something), or a guy at the gym (what a creeper), or a woman at a bar (she’s into me), or even a co-worker (what are they smiling about)? But let’s be realistic, intuition isn’t a guarantee, and we all make hasty assumptions about what each smile “really” means. That’s our own mistake for overthinking it in the first place. The nitty gritty is that smiles are, on the surface, just a universal expression of friendliness… And one that should continue. Our self-conscious makes them something more/less… Chances are, if someone just means well, everyone will read that right on their teeth. Keep smiling.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Hitting the Snooze Button… Over and Over

Accountability Happiness Organizational culture

Key Point: The search for and “theme” of happiness is definitely trending, and as more science and research is applied, I’m warming up a little more to the discussion. (I’ve been skeptical of some of the fluff and pseudo-psychology connected to the “happiness” buzz). I resonate with the renewed attention and connection to self-accountability and understanding that much of the time, we can choose happiness. And while happiness is mostly a personal mindset, being authentically connected to other people really counts too. This is not to say that others are primarily responsible for our happiness, but they can certainly contribute to it. So the “between people” in addition to “what’s inside people” is also very important.

Zappos founder, Tony Hsieh, has become famous and revered by many for his commitment to delivering happiness. Tony was running another company (which he subsequently sold to Microsoft for $265 million dollars) when he one day found himself hitting his alarm clock snooze button repeatedly. He just didn’t want to get up go to work anymore, and this was his very own company. He wasn’t happy. That led to Tony’s renewed dedication and self-proclaimed purpose of delivering happiness to people, and companies everywhere.

The research shows that the pursuit of happiness is a universal desire of all people and yet we are not very good at predicting what will make us feel that way. However, the collective research points to the following conditions that certainly facilitate and promote greater happiness.

Control and autonomy; having reasonable influence over what and how we do things.
Progress; having a sense of real growth and personal development.
Connected; having meaningful relationships with others.
Meaning and purpose; being part of something bigger than ourselves.

Furthermore, being present enough to savor experiences, practice gratitude, and cultivate mindfulness helps to increase enjoyment and pleasure in what we do, thereby increasing levels of happiness and our day-to-day enjoyment of life. When we can do this particularly well, the belief of many of those who study happiness is that we positively influence our own well-being AND the best interests of our family, friends and wider community.

Character Moves:

Take the free happiness survey. You will be able to become more aware of how you stack up on the happiness scale compared to a large database of others.

Ask yourself what you would be willing to do for the next 10 years without being paid (yet not starving). How does it compare to what you’re doing today?

To what extent are the four conditions above present in your life? What can you do to move forward with each of them? Do you spring out of bed excited for the day? Or do you wish you could keep hitting the snooze button?

In addition to No.3 above, determine whether you are present enough to enjoy daily experiences, able to express gratitude, occasionally find yourself getting wonderfully lost in the flow and glow of doing something you like and are good at. Are you also finding yourself delivering value to others? If so, you are likely very happy!

Awaking happiness in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: Let’s relate this to Halloween. The holiday can be enjoyed by all ages for a myriad of reasons… Some adults love parading their young kids around to observe the thrill of candy collection. There are enthusiasts that obsess over house decorations, pumpkin carving, and the simple joy of celebrating the excitement of a scare. Me? I’m dressing up with hundreds of other millennials and going on a zombie themed pub-crawl. I. Can. Not. Wait!! BUT, we all know the few who just can’t wait for Nov. 1. They’ll literally be ghosts for the occasion, without dressing up. For whatever reason, they SEEK a reason to dismiss what millions find joy in… Their reasons and excuses can range from “immaturity” to “rotting teeth.” Perhaps, it is a sign of unhappiness, or distaste for the happiness of others. To me, that’s a whole lot scarier than any monsters we’ll see on this Hallow’s Eve. Happy Halloween!!

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

The Nonsense of ‘Retirement’

Accountability Authenticity Happiness

Key Point: I think much of the current conversation about retirement needs to be refreshed. I’m not sure asking “when are you going to retire?” is very useful or meaningful. On the other hand, there is reasonable merit regarding questions related to planning for getting older and the changes that go along with it. One day all of us will be in a position where we will not be earning direct income because we are no longer able or want to. And ideally we will have reasonable flexibility as we are impacted by deteriorating health connected to living and dying longer. However, that is different than “retirement.”

Because I’m getting closer to the 65-year-milestone, people are constantly asking me if I’m going to “finally retire.” Or they ask me if “I need to be working to keep active,” (like I need to punch a time clock to ensure the vital organs do not atrophy… Geez). Sometimes the not so veiled suggestion is that I must want to keep working because I didn’t manage my money well. After all, who would want to keep “working” if they didn’t have to? Somehow retirement and choosing how to live gets wrapped up in the same sandwich.

So what if we changed the focus about retirement, to living the life we want NOW? Whatever or whenever that is. The depth and breath of what we can really choose to do is certainly related to our bank account. But the idea of waiting for “retirement” to have better control of how you prefer to live is just giant dumbness. How would our life change for the better if we chose to live more how we want to on a daily basis? This includes meeting obligations in the various roles that define who we are AND making choices related to deferred gratification. In fact, people who can defer immediate gratification actually “accomplish” more. Yet, we need to choose more NOW. Drifting along waiting for something like retirement is the wrong mindset. It is likely to end badly. I recently heard an Olympic gold medal winner wisely note, that if you weren’t good enough for yourself before the gold medal, you wouldn’t be good enough for yourself after. If you can’t live the life you want now, it’s questionable that you will at some later date.

Fortunately, I’m graced with the idea that all I need is the day in front of me. Give me the day and I will make it interesting and valuable. I do not understand the concepts of being bored, or waiting to be happy or fulfilled “one day.” That day is today. I’m looking forward to having another one tomorrow.

Character Moves:

Absolutely plan for being unable or not wanting to earn direct income one day. It is going to happen. Remember to do so while living the life you want to live now. This includes deferring some gratification, but does not include waiting for so called “retirement” for fulfillment. It does require understanding that contentment and happiness comes from purpose, delivering value and contribution to others.
Do not ask the question, “When are you going to retire?” Always ask what’s fulfilling for you now and what steps you’re taking to keep living life to the fullest.

No retirement in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: How many times a week do we hear “find out how to make an income doing what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Or banter about what we’d do with $500+ million when that office Power Ball collection comes wafting by? Funny enough, most people don’t dream of still “working” when imagining that bank account… But I too believe that unless you’re contributing, even if it’s through a passion of yours, then life would be boring and unsatisfactory. Despite how much we occasionally dread it, we’re not only showing up to the office for an income. We likely chose our professions because parts about them make us happy, and it feels good to be a relevant team player and help build something… No need to ever “retire” that feeling.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis.

A Hooray For the Everyday!

Abundance Gratitude Happiness

Key Point: There is so much joy to be discovered in the everyday of life. Looking for happiness and fulfillment in all the “big experiences” can sometimes be a distraction from what’s right in front of us. I’m still reflecting on a recent presentation by Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield. One of my seatmates at the conference jokingly noted that she had “brain envy” of Hadfield. Haha, true. Hadfield’s intellectual competence is reflected many ways. He’s fluent in Russian, has an ability to literally perform open heat surgery, and conduct engineering feats while space walking at 17,500 mph around earth. Oh, and he can also create a Twitter buzz from David Bowie renditions in space. That’s legendary. However I was most struck by something he wrote in his book, An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth:

“The truth is I find everyday fulfilling, whether I’m on the planet or above it. And I find satisfaction in small things, like playing Scrabble online with my daughter… Reading a letter from a first grader that wants to be an astronaut, or picking up gum wrappers off the street.”

As a goofy teenager, I remember walking with my Dad through the motel lobby where he was the general manager. He stopped to pick up a bunch of paper that was messily scattered about. I foolishly asked him why he didn’t let the janitors clean it up. He never said a thing to me, but slowly turned and gave me this piercingly intense look that struck me right between the eyes. That life lesson about the importance of humility and always being prepared to “bend down to pick up and clean up” is tattooed in my soul.

The other day, I was touched listening to a colleague’s story about how her father ran a beloved Greek restaurant in an Alberta tourist town. For years, he made a point to greet and visit with his customers on a daily basis, which became a real strategic advantage as to how his diner was constantly filled. Each day he invested and intently connected with customers as friends, neighbors, and people he sincerely cared for. It was never about the Greek salad or speed of a table turn.

Character Moves:

How are you doing with the “every day?” Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder to turn daily opportunities into what makes our lives truly fulfilling. We have so many sweetly simple opportunities to be abundant and give. (Picking up paper off the street, a warm smile, a thank you, a sincere acknowledgment, etc). It becomes an endless list of fulfillment as we move through our “routine.”

Consider minimizing the limitations and guilt that manifests from dragging around a heavy “bucket list of big things.” Why? Reminding ourselves that we have 50 big things we wish to achieve can sometimes keep us for taking countless little steps that one day may make those big experiences/accomplishments actually happen. I’m all for being aspirational but I’m a bigger fan of the everyday steps that truly lead somewhere. The “every days” lead to the occasional big day.

Loving everyday in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: One of my co-workers recently commented that “2014 has gone by really fast.” I said, “Dude, maybe, but that’s because of how you’re scheduling your own life.” I like to make sure that my “every days” include something that will lead up to those bucket list items (which are very important). Don’t fall into that mundane routine that can make your life a blur. Are you bored? Is time going too fast? Fix it. You can. Sign up for a race, plan a trip, set a goal, challenge yourself, and always make sure you’re looking forward to something memorable. Sure, “every days” might feel bland, but why do you think Chris Hadfield appreciates those “every day” things? They mean more than just the task, they lead to something more important and he can remember and account for that. Every day.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

More From a 7-Year-Old’s Fishing Rod

Accountability Happiness Productivity

Key Point: The blog about my 7-year-old grandson created a lot of response from readers about the simple beauty and multiple “lessons” connected to a child’s fishing victory.

A friend I used to work with sent the following in response:

“It is amazing that when you stop, look and listen to the things in life that seem so complex, come clearly into view. I read this speech by Brian Dyson (former CEO of Coca-Cola) and it really helped in making sure we think about what are the right things to focus on:

‘Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – Family, Health, Friends and Spirit – are made of glass. If you drop one of these; they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it.

Work efficiently during office hours and leave on time. Give the required time to your family, friends and have proper rest. Value has a value only if its value is valued.’”

As summer ends, and the fall season grabs hold with added work intensity, it seems like a good time to examine our juggling prowess.

Character Moves:

How are you and I doing juggling the “glass balls:” Family, health, friends and spirit? What adjustments can we make? What are the consequences if we don’t?
Hard work and achieving results at work are obviously important. No excuses allowed. However, no organization worth contributing to should require you and I to damage or break one of the glass balls. Achieving valued work results and juggling the other fragile components of life is something you and I (not the organization) are responsible for. It takes intentional COURAGE and SELF CONFIDENCE to juggle well.
Follow CEO Dyson’s guideline: “Work efficiently during office hours and leave on time. Give the required time to your family, friends and have proper rest. Value has a value only if its value is valued”

Note: the great thing about working with mobile tools is that for many of us, “office hours” and “leaving on time” are antiquated concepts. The key thing is to give the organization expected or better value while we also invest in the other life parts so we grow our personal equity in the most complete way.

Great Juggling in the Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: Now, more than ever, it seems we can successfully “juggle” glass balls without it having an affect on the rubber ball. When Joan Rivers passed away yesterday, it sent my entertainment news team into hyper drive, right at lunch hour, as some editors and our voice over guy had stepped out to eat… Uh oh… Although we were prepared for the anticipated death, it still was a unique situation that required me to tunnel focus on the task. I needed to produce the news in light speed, and the clock was ticking… Just prior, I was in a personal text convo with someone. I chose to ignore my vibrating desk. I now needed to focus on my rubber ball more than one of my glass ones… This happens, and is completely understandable when explained. Phew, glass ball unscathed. But, 99 percent of the time, there’s no such thing as “too busy” anymore, so let’s not shatter glass balls and blame the rubber one unless we’re intending to… (Sometimes glass balls can’t take hints).

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis