Gratitude | Lorne Rubis

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone… Now!

Key Point: To find out more about yourself and really develop, you have to get out of your comfort zone. I recently had an annual reflection with one of my direct reports and asked her what was gratifying about the past year. With a smile on her face she talked about having to take on a new role. She was very comfortable in her previous job. She had been doing it for years and was loved and respected by all. And she admitted the new assignment was “scary.” It was in a different part of the business with unique clients, and definitely challenging. In fact, she was taking over temporarily for a strong leader who was eventually returning. Essentially she was leaving a secure spot for an uncertain future. Yes the shift was not easy and yet I saw this person grow in confidence and ability as the year progressed. A recent blog by Ash Read on the same topic refers to two experts from Psychology Today.

Ran Zilca:

“We live in a society where comfort has become a value and a life goal. But comfort reduces our motivation for introducing important transformations in our lives. Sadly, being comfortable often prohibits us from chasing our dreams. Many of us are like lions in the zoo: well-fed but sit around passively stuck in a reactive rut…Take a look at your life today, if you are enjoying a shelter of comfort, break through it and go outside where life awaits.”

Alex Lickerman:

“New things or a new way of thinking is often frightening. But if you think about it, most of the things we fear don’t actually come to pass. What’s more, we’re often unable to anticipate the good things that do occur as a result of our trying something new.”

Perhaps to a fault, I can vouch for the joy and adventure of this way of living and thinking. Please accept the following as fact and definitely not boasting. I’ve given everything I’ve had in contributing and in bringing value to others through the following: I played University football, been a teacher, went to grad school, negotiated collective agreements with the tough building trades, ran my own consulting business for 10 years, studied Deming Prize winning companies in Japan, worked directly for the chairman of a Fortune 50 company, was VP of Operations for a National Hockey League team, CEO of a cash burning unprofitable software company, SVP of a 400 person sales team without ever being a formal sales person, COO of a publicly traded internet technology company, lost almost everything in a “sure bet technology startup,” eight years as the CEO of a privately held international mobile technology company, and now the Chief People Officer of one of the best companies in the world. I’ve run the NYC marathon, biked several gran fondos, and lived in three countries. And most importantly, I’ve been married for 43 years to a woman who obviously has no fear, and is supportive beyond belief. We have three glorious kids and two “perfect grandchildren,” (hoping for more). All of this has given me the courage and hopefully credible insight for authoring two books and this blog. And I promise to be just loading up for even more exciting things ahead!! My comfort zone is out of the comfort zone!

Our lives have been filled with the many ups and downs all people go through. Trust me, the above is not an endorsement for a painless, comfortable, error free life. And it is certainly not recommended as a blue print for you or anyone else. However, I can vouch for the unbelievable personal learning, gratification and joy of living life to the very fullest. I can honestly tell you that there is almost no environment (other than life threatening) that I am fearful of. Yes, I get butterflies in my stomach when I’m faced with new situations or even high risk familiar ones. And of course I worry a little (maybe too much) about people I love every day. I can also tell you with experience and conviction that jumping out of your comfort zone is almost always worth it. Whenever my life ends I will be sorry for mistakes made and people I’ve hurt. However, I will have have zero regrets about not living life to the very fullest. I’m going to squeeze every ounce out of giving to others through what life has to offer.

Character Moves:

Get out of your comfort zone and look forward to the outcome whatever happens.
Think big and take small steps. Not everyone can or should take big leaps. Have a big vision for yourself. If you can run, 5k/3 miles, add a mile or klick on every month. Once you run 10, running 15 will be in sight and then if you want, you will run a marathon. It’s the same with anyone or anything.
As you well know by now, the Readers Digest version of my philosophy embodied in The Character Triangle is: Do it Now, Be Kind and Give More. To live to that mantra you HAVE to step out of the comfort zone. Get out!

Out of the Comfort Zone in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: As we in the U.S. celebrate this Memorial Day Weekend, we all get to enjoy our barbeques, day off, and at the very least, less traffic because so few sacrifice so much for our freedom. I can’t imagine a more “step out of the comfort” zone than the military. I’m so thankful for the men and women serving. We’re all free and able to operate on a daily basis because of their selfless efforts. Thanks to them, we can imagine what’s discussed up above.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Use Recognition For Cultural Transformation

Gratitude Organizational culture

Key Point: Effective transformational leaders use recognition for positive cultural shift in addition to demonstrating care and appreciation. Many leaders think giving recognition is just an obligatory “atta boy,” which is certainly not a very sincere or gratifying premise for the giver or receiver. On the other hand, transformational leaders are wise enough to understand that authentic recognition creates a story, and stories are one of the most powerful elements in driving cultural shift.

Tony Schwartz, President and CEO of the Energy Project wrote this story in a recent blog:

“One morning many years ago, when I was a young reporter at The New York Times, Joseph Lelyveld, then the foreign editor, walked by my desk. I hardly knew him, and I was on the phone, but he pulled out a pen and a sheet of paper from a reporter’s pad in his jacket pocket and wrote me this note: “Yours is the best story in the paper today.” That was more than 30 years ago, but the memory of feeling appreciated and inspired still feels bracingly fresh. Still, it was only when I began writing notes of appreciation to others that I realized how rewarding it also is for the sender.”

Now Tony, some 30 years later, remembers FEELING “appreciated and inspired.” So let’s say that this editor took just a few more minutes to tell Tony why it was the best story and the impact it had. Tony and others would then have a very clear description of what made the story “great” and why. It is likely that all would have an even clearer outline as to what made a stand out story in the NYT and how it could be “the best in the paper.” I”ll bet that the reasoning would be repeated by others. In fact it may even become a legendary story of its own… A hypothetical: “The Day Tony ‘s Story Was the Best in the Paper.” (The blog did not indicate whether that actually happened or not).

I am always surprised how much some so-called leaders resist and/or are ambivalent in recognizing others. Some people actually believe giving recognition is a sign of weakness, and will go to people’s heads. They think too much acknowledgment is bad and makes “good” the “enemy of great.” I do believe that generalizations and vague platitudes are not helpful to either the giver or receiver. However, when a leader understands that specific, authentic recognition shows caring consideration along with specific description of desired behavior, it is gratifying. It can even be transformative for all involved. As an example, if you like people “wowing” customers, openly and specifically recognize and describe the behavior that had such an impact on the customer. I guarantee you others will try and replicate the story. And that’s why recognition, when done well, can be a cultural transformation machine. It is also why generalities, platitudes, and vague applause are often received with the bland response they deserve. There is really nothing to specifically celebrate, repeat, or recognize… When there’s no cultural story, any resulting cultural shift will be unlikely.

Character Moves:

Be specific, transparent and generous in recognizing the desired behavior/performance of others. As an example, if you value “self-accountability” as a trait, then look for many opportunities to recognize when you see the self-accountability you desire. Describe what actually happened and how the act of self-accountability made a positive difference to the customer, company, individual and you. This is telling a story.

Remember that in addition to reinforcing desired behavior, giving recognition shows you care for the individuals involved. As Schwartz states, “Care cures a host of ills. It’s no surprise that the most powerful influence on people’s engagement at work is the experience of feeling genuinely cared for by their direct supervisor. Feeling valued is critical to our well-being from infancy. What’s less obvious is how satisfying it can be to care for others — and how that can invest even routine jobs with meaning and nobility.”

Think of yourself as both a caring, appreciative leader AND a cultural transformational leader. Giving recognition allows one to be both sides of this leadership equation.

Cultural recognition in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: This is a tough one, isn’t it? I know for a fact that the proudest recognition I’ve received has often been the most difficult to earn… You know, when that tough-headed son of a bi*ch (teacher, coach, boss) finally acknowledges your efforts. Is that true? Yes. Is that ideal? Nah, but it’s ingrained already. If I may, here’s my recommendation for those tough headed leaders: Find a balance. Look, I’m not going to run home and stamp a gold star on my fridge for a little, everyday “hey, good job.” But that’s enough to keep me pushing. I recommend adding a hard earned phrase to your verbal ammo. Find a special something-something that you DO only say when it’s truly earned. Reserve it for that exceptional job well done. When you use it, explain why. Word will spread… That rare “atta boy” will be sought after, and as soon as anyone hears it, they’ll want to know the story. (Perhaps some of you have received a DWD before).

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Create and Tell One Story Per Day!

Gratitude Respect Teamwork

Key Point: Commit to creating and telling one key story per day. The following is a quote from this Forbes article:

“A 10-year, 100,000-person study conducted throughout the U.S. and Canada by the O.C. Tanner Institute and HealthStream confirms that recognition and appreciation tops the list of things employees say they want most from their employers. According to the study, 79 percent of employees who quit their jobs cite a lack of appreciation as a key reason for leaving. And of the people who report the highest morale at work, 94.4 percent agree their managers are effective at recognizing them.”

Giving recognition tells a story about the great work people have done.

Storytelling, with a purpose, is key to being a good leader. When we hear how others overcame problems or situations, ideas begin to fill our heads, inspiration fills our hearts, and actions begin to create the stories that will be shared tomorrow.

The same article refers to a Gustav Freytag, a German novelist and playwright who studied the greatest story telling and created the Freytag Pyramid to guide our thinking regarding what makes a great story. See below:

Well-documented research confirms that effective storytelling can be a driver of employee performance. When a story has impact you can literally see the audience connect. They start to think, feel, and respond the same way as characters in the story. Consider the impact a true story could make on an employee when they hear the company’s Founding Story, Pivotal Story, Teamwork Story, or Great Work Story, told in Freytag’s format—situation, climax, and resolve.

A Founding Story connects team members to the purpose of the organization. A Pivotal Story is used to help employees understand what differentiates their organization from others. Teamwork Stories are just that; a capture of people working together to create something exceptional. And a Great Work Story is simply but powerfully saying thank you for very specific behavior.

Character Moves:

Think of yourself as a story creator and teller. See every day as a blank page to create/tell those stories. Commit to personally creating and telling one every day and you will become a superb impact player! Think and act this way. It also makes you a value creator.
Remember when you say, “thank you,” you become a storyteller. Please refer to my last blog regarding being a “pancake person”
Have the Founding Story in your “back pocket” and refer to it for context regularity. Keep a “book” of impact stories. These are your stories that explain how differentiating greatness is achieved!
Tell a story about how great someone is who works for you and you will differentiate yourself as a leader. See number two above.

Story Leadership in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: Stories are my thing… As a journalist, I’ve had an appreciation and understanding of what a good “story” is, why it sells, and needs to be told. One of my professors in University used to say, “Everyone has a story,” regardless how mundane a timid person may fear it would appear on paper. It never does if it’s written right, and it takes a good leader to be able to construct a compelling “headline” for everyone. If your employee, or co-worker is worth his or her salt (and they likely are), everyone can appear on the front page.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Thank Outside the Box!

Gratitude Organizational culture Respect

Key Point: Saying thank you takes just a few minutes and it costs us nothing but the associated time and thoughtfulness. I was recently in a meeting with about 120 people. This team’s leader and and Executive Vice President (EVP) was telling a story about how he was concerned that he missed the retirement of a wonderful team member, who had been with the company for 34 years. The good news was that his information was wrong and he had another day to make sure he could give her the appropriate thanks. At that time we were discussing how we might bring more “WOW” to our customers and teammates. So with the information about this pending retirement, we decided to call her right there and have all 100 plus team members shout out a collective goodbye and “THANK YOU!!”

So the EVP called her cell and because she was looking after customers, the call went to her voice mail. Nevertheless, this great leader seized the opportunity to leave a surprise voice mail, specifically expressing gratitude for her positive spirit and extensive contributions. And then on the count of three, all 120 people yelled, “THANK YOU!!” Moments later, she texted friends and other teammates how tearfully surprised and touched she was. Her text began, “OMG…” You can imagine the rest. Of course, her 34 years of contribution are worth much more than a simple voice mail message and a shout out from teammates. However, it meant something very significant to her AND to us! Sadly, too many people leave organizations in a disquieting way, like somehow they never existed.

During this same session, another wonderful leader shared a letter she has discretely carried in a protected plastic folder since 1997. At that time she was a bank manager and gave a loan to a terminally ill customer, who was nearly bankrupt due to unbelievably expensive drug costs not covered by Canada’s vaunted health care system. This leader was the customer’s last resort…NO other bank would touch him because of his debt. He was not only very sick physically but all the financial institutions diagnosed him with “fiscal terminal disease.” The letter, received by this bank manager several years later, and a testimony she keeps as one of her most precious possessions, is a personal note sent to her and the CEO, thanking an “angel” for saving his life. The customer was alive several years later and fully attributed his additional years to this fearless, caring banker!

Gratitude and “thank you’s” go hand in hand, freely available and accessible to all of us.

Character Moves:

Say “thank you” every day! Be grateful every day! Say thank you and be grateful for the Pancakes. (Here’s an excerpt from “Six Habits of Highly Grateful People”).

“Grateful people are habitually specific. They don’t say, ‘I love you because you’re just so wonderfully wonderful, you!’ Instead, the really skilled grateful person will say: ‘I love you for the pancakes you make when you see I’m hungry and the way you massage my feet after work even when you’re really tired and how you give me hugs when I’m sad so that I’ll feel better!’

The reason for this is pretty simple: It makes the expression of gratitude feel more authentic, for it reveals that the thanker was genuinely paying attention and isn’t just going through the motions. The richest thank you’s will acknowledge intentions (‘the pancakes you make when you see I’m hungry’) and costs (‘you massage my feet after work even when you’re really tired’), and they’ll describe the value of benefits received (‘you give me hugs when I’m sad so that I’ll feel better’).”

Pancake gratitude in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: I don’t find this to be a big deal and I’m certainly not trying to boast, but it seems relevant. For no real reason, really, or not one I can explain, when I leave the gym (a 24 Hour Fitness in Santa Monica) on a daily basis, I’ve developed the habit of saying “thanks guys, have a good night” to the assorted employees at the front desk while throwing my towel in the bin and walking out the door. Well, recently, the manager pulled me aside, introduced himself and personally thanked ME for doing that. Apparently out of the hundreds of gym goers, I’m the only one who does that, and it has gained appreciation… My response was, “of course!” (Which I think is one of the most common responses to a “thank you,” these days). Because really, I think it’s just nice, easy, and right. Upon reflection though, I know for a fact my co-workers don’t get nearly as many “thank you” reps from me, so I have to up my “thank you workout” routine in my own office.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

A Hooray For the Everyday!

Abundance Gratitude Happiness

Key Point: There is so much joy to be discovered in the everyday of life. Looking for happiness and fulfillment in all the “big experiences” can sometimes be a distraction from what’s right in front of us. I’m still reflecting on a recent presentation by Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield. One of my seatmates at the conference jokingly noted that she had “brain envy” of Hadfield. Haha, true. Hadfield’s intellectual competence is reflected many ways. He’s fluent in Russian, has an ability to literally perform open heat surgery, and conduct engineering feats while space walking at 17,500 mph around earth. Oh, and he can also create a Twitter buzz from David Bowie renditions in space. That’s legendary. However I was most struck by something he wrote in his book, An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth:

“The truth is I find everyday fulfilling, whether I’m on the planet or above it. And I find satisfaction in small things, like playing Scrabble online with my daughter… Reading a letter from a first grader that wants to be an astronaut, or picking up gum wrappers off the street.”

As a goofy teenager, I remember walking with my Dad through the motel lobby where he was the general manager. He stopped to pick up a bunch of paper that was messily scattered about. I foolishly asked him why he didn’t let the janitors clean it up. He never said a thing to me, but slowly turned and gave me this piercingly intense look that struck me right between the eyes. That life lesson about the importance of humility and always being prepared to “bend down to pick up and clean up” is tattooed in my soul.

The other day, I was touched listening to a colleague’s story about how her father ran a beloved Greek restaurant in an Alberta tourist town. For years, he made a point to greet and visit with his customers on a daily basis, which became a real strategic advantage as to how his diner was constantly filled. Each day he invested and intently connected with customers as friends, neighbors, and people he sincerely cared for. It was never about the Greek salad or speed of a table turn.

Character Moves:

How are you doing with the “every day?” Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder to turn daily opportunities into what makes our lives truly fulfilling. We have so many sweetly simple opportunities to be abundant and give. (Picking up paper off the street, a warm smile, a thank you, a sincere acknowledgment, etc). It becomes an endless list of fulfillment as we move through our “routine.”

Consider minimizing the limitations and guilt that manifests from dragging around a heavy “bucket list of big things.” Why? Reminding ourselves that we have 50 big things we wish to achieve can sometimes keep us for taking countless little steps that one day may make those big experiences/accomplishments actually happen. I’m all for being aspirational but I’m a bigger fan of the everyday steps that truly lead somewhere. The “every days” lead to the occasional big day.

Loving everyday in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: One of my co-workers recently commented that “2014 has gone by really fast.” I said, “Dude, maybe, but that’s because of how you’re scheduling your own life.” I like to make sure that my “every days” include something that will lead up to those bucket list items (which are very important). Don’t fall into that mundane routine that can make your life a blur. Are you bored? Is time going too fast? Fix it. You can. Sign up for a race, plan a trip, set a goal, challenge yourself, and always make sure you’re looking forward to something memorable. Sure, “every days” might feel bland, but why do you think Chris Hadfield appreciates those “every day” things? They mean more than just the task, they lead to something more important and he can remember and account for that. Every day.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Mothers and Leaders Always Eat Last!

Accountability Books Gratitude

Key Point: Be present and for goodness sake… EAT LAST! Our actions define what we really believe, but NOT every single time. If we are consistent in connecting our lips and feet, we usually have positive currency saved up in our integrity “bank account.” So when we screw up and occasionally (hopefully rarely) behave out of character, there is usually room for forgiveness.

Last week we had about 40 leaders watching a webcast on leadership. One of the speakers was Simon Sinek. (More on that later). I had a brutal schedule that day, running back to back meetings, preparing for upcoming Board of Directors and executive sessions, and had little time to devote to the webcast. The person organizing the event works in my group and asked if I could pop in and say a few words. As Chief People Officer, I wanted to do that and promised to sneak in whenever I could shave off other time sensitive commitments. I walked in just before lunch. All attendees were facing the big screen webcast. Lunch was all laid out in the back of the room but none of the participants had par taken yet. I stood there looking at the food (honestly, a light was blinking in the back of my mind saying… “Don’t do this. You never do this, Lorne. You always make sure others eat first, especially when you’re the host or leader”). However, I rationalized that there was way more food than the group could consume and it made perfect sense if I quietly ate before the crowd lined up at the buffet, and then I would say my piece as they ate, and I’d run back into my meeting schedule. This made practical sense. Right? Suddenly, I saw them… Copies of Sinek’s new book sitting on the back table. The title of the book is: LEADERS EAT LAST. Oh, holy $#@$!! What the heck am I doing? It wasn’t the feeling of getting “caught;” it was knowing that I was stepping out of my triangle, away from my own value zone.

Let me transition from Simon Sinek to Kevin Durant, voted the Most Valuable Player in the National Basketball Association. His acceptance speech last week is already noted as one of the best sports orations ever. I hope you make time to watch it on the attached video.

The New Yorker reported on it exceptionally and I’d like to share part of the article:

“Unlike the aggressive, competitive, and sometimes vicious player whom we watch on the court, Durant was open, vulnerable, emotionally brave, and sincere. He reminded everyone not only of his own humanity but also of that of his teammates. They joined him onstage, and he took the time to address each of them, often sharing deeply personal stories. Many were fighting tears, too. This was just an acceptance speech for a league award, not something like the State of the Union, and so the theatrics were a little over the top, but moving nevertheless—like a wedding speech that goes on for way too long but which you never want to end. He spoke at length about Russell Westbrook. He told him that he loved him, and it didn’t seem like mere jock hyperbole. Durant mentioned that the team’s equipment guy had given him a hug and said, ‘This is my first M.V.P.’

Yet Durant’s most memorable remarks, the kind of thrilling moment that indeed will be remembered in history, came when he spoke about his family. He told his brother, step-brother, and father that he loved them, and then he spoke to his mother, Wanda:

The odds were stacked against us. Single parent with two boys by the time you were twenty-one years old. Everybody told us we weren’t supposed to be here. We moved from apartment to apartment by ourselves. One of the best memories I had was when we moved into our first apartment. No bed, no furniture, and we just all sat in the living room and just hugged each other. We thought we’d made it.

Durant told his mother, ‘We weren’t supposed to be here. You made us believe. You kept us off the street. You put clothes on our backs. Food on the table. When you didn’t eat, you made sure we ate. You went to sleep hungry. You sacrificed for us. You’re the real M.V.P.’ The N.B.A. should broadcast Durant’s speech this Mother’s Day, and on every one after it. Even the most jaded SuperSonics fan would have to grant that the moment was not only a sports dream but also the American dream come to life. Talk about making it.”

So here are examples of leadership at its most simple, purest and yet finest way. The armed service leaders who inspired Sinek’s book title and who always make sure the troops eat first… The MVP who acknowledges every team member first before acceptance and then his family… And finally, the mother who makes sure her kids eat first and is willing to go hungry.

As for the leader writing this blog and the opening story… I was embarrassed with my hopefully uncharacteristic self-focus. I took my full plate to the front of the group, hit myself playfully over the head with Sinek’s book, and explained that I was NOT a proponent of Leaders Eat FIRST. There was much laughter about it. I apologized, left my food on the plate, said my words, and then sheepishly ate later after people were through the food line. I hope they understood and forgave me.

Character Moves:

As a leader, be very aware of the small/big things that define your leadership beliefs, and please… Eat last. Put your team first.
When you screw up, admit it and get back to eating last… Aim to unconsciously make it a way of life.
Care for and love every teammate, including the ones that you occasionally go toe-to-toe with. You need them and they need all of you.
Always, not just on Mothers Day, thank and hug your first leader…Your mom. She always ate last.

Eating Last in The Triangle,

Lorne