Gratitude | Lorne Rubis

Now and Only Now

Key Point: Personal wake up calls are all around us. Do we really take notice? Do we do something about it? Today? Tomorrow? The day after? Only to be reminded again, and repeat?

Last week I walked to our campus at about 7:45 a.m. and noticed police cars around the front doors. The campus manager called me over with a sense of urgency as I picked up my pace through the reception area. One of our teammates had collapsed in his work area after a regular morning workout. Tragically, he passed away on route to the hospital. Ironically, his job in the company revolved around safety/ wellness. He was just 49, and leaves behind two young children, a loving wife, bereft friends, family and co-workers.

The week before, my wife and I invited a long time friend and his wife over for dinner. He had a sore throat and went to the doctor to check it out that morning. When they joined us that evening, they revealed that he had been diagnosed with lung cancer. We shared tears and hopes for a prognosis that meant at least a few more years. He passed away, not even two weeks after his diagnosis. We’re all stunned in mourning.

We all know this. We are reminded constantly that ALL we have is NOW. Yet, our chattering, bossy mind is intent on having us belabor the past and/or long for the future. “If only I hadn’t,” “if only when.” There is nothing new in this blog. I am sharing nothing of real insight. However, if after reading it you cherish today just a little more then you might normally, it’s a useful reflection. Perhaps you will call that important person you haven’t talked to in a while to say thank you? Maybe take a moment to watch the clouds, feel the warmth of the sun? Sing along to that great song? Forgive someone you care for far too much to hold a grudge. Perhaps it’s having the courage to get that nagging symptom finally checked out? You know what I’m talking about. At the risk of adding too much to this “reminder” blog, it is certain that one day (thankfully a date most of us are unaware of), it will be you or me someone is talking about over lunch. “Did you hear ____ passed away?” “Oh yeah?” “That’s too bad… Mind passing the mustard?”

Character Moves:

Cherish today just a little bit more. You’re worth it.

NOW in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: Millennials get to learn little by little that we’re not so invincible, after all. Blogs like this one really help. This week my boss is gone, which puts me in charge. One of my writers/on camera talents arrived feeling a little sluggish… I (funny enough) learned from her Snapchat story (haha) that she was out the night before celebrating her upcoming birthday, and came to work with about one hour of sleep. You know what though? I said “good for you!” Because you know what I did Wednesday night? I watched something dumb on Netflix before hitting the sack around 11 p.m. She was out collecting memories and stories. Sure, it was rough sledding the next day, but she still worked like a champ (energy drinks helped), and I promise she remembers what she did on Wednesday 03/02/16… I can’t even recall what I watched! Live it up, do it now, cause it’s too true, you never know.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Happy Holidays, Season’s Greetings and Merry Christmas

Abundance Gratitude

Key Point: Open up the gift of the crowd.” Here are the Top 20 (most popular and viewed) TED Talks of all time. When you get a little quiet time over the next few days, you may want to open one up as beautifully wrapped present and enjoy the insight; a small gift to yourself.

Character Moves:

Keep investing in yourself. That’s the best possible gift to both you and others you care for.

Thank you for being such loyal readers and followers. Garrett and I wish you and your loved ones the gift of abundance and gratitude. And we are grateful for you.

Best season’s regards,

Lorne and Garrett

The Gratitude Platform

Abundance Gratitude

Key Point: Use gratitude as a personal improvement platform by connecting what you want to improve upon to what you’re grateful for. The path to self-improvement is hidden in your pleasure and happiness rather than discontent! Hmm… Interesting thought.

I am writing this in Canada, fully appreciative that American family and friends are celebrating the wonderful holiday of Thanksgiving. And of course, it is the perfect time for all, wherever we are, to reflect and ask the question: “What are you grateful for?” In exploring this question, I ran across a recent HBR blog by one of my favorite authors/leadership pundits, Peter Bregman. I think he effectively makes a supportive argument regarding my key point above:

“The things I am grateful for are, by definition, already a part of my life. I am grateful for the undistracted time I spend with my family. For the sense of presence and focus I feel when I am writing. For the times when I really sink in to listen to another, without any need to fix them or the situation they’re in. For the clarity I have come to in the past year about what’s important to me and to my business — and the time I spend in those areas of focus. In other words, those things I want to improve on? I’m already doing them. Those are, actually, old behaviors. Habits, even.

When I really sink in to listen to another, without any need to fix them or the situation they’re in, I am talking less. When I am present and focused while writing, I am moving more slowly, more deliberately. When I experience undistracted time with my family, I don’t feel like I am wasting a minute. When I spend time on my areas of focus, I am settling into my highest priority items.

In this context, the path to improvement may not be effortless, but it should be familiar. And just knowing that can make a difference.

Consider the ways in which you want to improve. How do they relate to the things for which you feel grateful? I am willing to bet that, at least in some areas, the things for which you are grateful mirror the things you want to improve.

Reminding yourself of what you have already done in the past is a much more reliable way of shifting your behavior — much more believable, reasonable, doable, repeatable, sustainable — than starting a whole new behavior in the future.”

Character Moves:

Ask that grateful question and build off of the answers. Peter also suggests asking the following: “Who are you in those moments when you are grateful? How do you show up? What are you doing? How are you behaving with yourself and others? Go back to those moments of gratitude and bring them into your present.”
Be grateful that you are mostly and already the person you aspire to be. It’s about remembering, reminding, and replicating more than the daunting task of inventing something you’re not. Be grateful for that! Leverage personal gratitude to become even more you. You’re worth it. Happy Thanksgiving!

Better from gratitude in the Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: After an awesome Thanksgiving dinner and enjoying a beautiful Turkey Day with my lovely mom, who was kind enough to come stay with me during the holiday (which has already improved my living conditions about 1000 percent), I’m just grateful I remembered to edit this blog! Happy Thanksgiving!

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Slaying Dragons… Continued

Accountability Gratitude Personal leadership

Key Point: This series of blogs has focused on the Seven Dragons underlying fear, as introduced by Laurie Skreslet, Canada’s extreme climber and the country’s first to conquer Everest. He obviously knows a lot about facing fear. He learned about the Seven Dragons from wise, story telling Tibetans, upon spending many years with them (please read our last two blogs for the complete picture). In the last blog, we focused on the gateway fear “STUBBORNNESS,” and another, “ARROGANCE.” Let’s tackle the next three:

SELF-DEPRECATION

One of our core values at ATB Financial is to be confident and humble. That’s living the best part of this Dragon. However, when we cross the humble line to beating ourselves up, we’ve been overtaken by a belief that we are somehow not good enough. We pound and blame ourselves; even resorting to calling ourselves names in those very painful, private self deprecating moments.

IMPATIENCE 

This Dragon shows up big and fiery in the Western world. When you ask people what’s on their mind, they often describe themselves as being overly busy, overwhelmed and even out of control. The positive aspect of this Dragon is when we recognize the triggers related to being “overwhelmed,” we often become aware, focused and able to achieve a great deal. The negative aspect is frustration, intolerance, distress and even rudeness while demanding that the world operates on our schedule.

MARTYRDOM 

The positive aspect of this Dragon is selflessness, taking action on behalf of others with little thought of personal benefit. There is tremendous generosity and even abundance attached to this dragon. However, a very negative aspect of martyrdom is victimization: Sacrificing one’s own needs and wants, and/or becoming a slave to the expectations of others. The fear is that somehow we will only be worthy when we have exhausted ourselves in the hope that people will recognize how much we have thanklessly given. “Poor us… Look how we just give, give, give without any appreciation.”

Character Moves:

Face Self-Deprecation: All blame is waste, including self-blame. We are good enough. We deserve our deep self-respect. Beating ourselves up equates to zero value. So why do it? Stop it.
Face Impatience: We are active participants in the world and yet we only own one worldview. Our priorities and schedule is unique to us. Often our fear of “missing out” or “being out of control” is a made up story in our own heads. To overcome the fear associated with impatience, it’s important to take that long, deep, reflective breath before acting. Keep that middle digit in your hand nicely tucked away. P.S., managing this fear has spawned a huge increase in practicing meditation. Try it. It works. Why are you really so impatient?
Face Martyrdom: Be abundant. When you feel an urge to want something in return for giving, it’s a signal to say quietly say, “thank you,” and generously give without expecting anything. Do not connect giving to reciprocation. Give because you want to, not because you need to prove your worthiness or love. Feeling like a victim, while emotionally real, is ultimately useless to you and others.

Fighting dragons in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: I hear Millennials deal with these Dragons on a regular basis due to a sense of feeling powerless in a “have it now” world. We can get same day delivery on Amazon Prime, right? So we must be doing something wrong if we don’t seem to achieve personal and professional goals immediately too? After all, you just saw on Facebook that kid from high school who failed his driving test four times, just got a huge new promotion. Then, some quiz you just took on Buzzfeed says you’re going to die alone. Really? My point is, as one of my favorite music groups says, “you want somethin’ bad, you gotta bleed a little for it.” Just keep giving it your best go.

– Garrett Rubis

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

That One Small Gesture

Accountability Gratitude Kindness

Key Point: Sometimes one little gesture can lead to something much bigger for someone else. It is so easy to pass, because the little act is just that… Little. I just received this email, and I’ve removed some details to protect the privacy of the people involved. Hopefully you’ll get the point:

“Hi Mr. Rubis,

You may not remember me, but I’m the girl that [redacted] you with [redacted].

You spoke with my branch manager, and asked him to bypass the holding period on my checks.

I just wanted you to know how much you helped me that day. My branch manager went out of his way to help me, even waived my banking fees for a year, as well as sat down and gave me good advice regarding my very messed up financial affairs. (My story is a long and convoluted one, and I’ve had a terrible time recovering financially from it, among other things). Since I last saw you, with immediate access to my money, I haven’t been to Cash Money to take out payday loans, and I’m slowly coming back to financial stability.

I thought it might interest you to know, as of today, I’ve opened my first business account at ATB. [Redacted] and I are going into business together to fulfill our dreams.

It may sound overly ambitious, but we have several ideas for businesses that we are going to try to implement over the coming months and years, and I plan to use ATB for all our business ventures’ financial needs. I can never thank you enough for your kindness!! Bless you!

Many thanks.”

I am no hero. I simply listened to her story, knew we could assist, and immediately took the action to put her in contact with people I knew who would help. They did the hard work. The lesson is about being present, listening and being self-accountable. And if there’s one distinguishing factor about self-accountability that I’ve learned over many years thinking, researching and writing about it, it’s that one must have a “do it NOW” mindset or best intentions will be overcome by inertia.

Character Moves:

Look for and respect the little gesture of help. We never know when that one act will result in a much bigger ripple effect. It may be a brief and warm greeting, a small note, a held open door, connecting someone to another… And after, the world moves forward just a little bit.

A “do it now” mindset is not meant to imply being rash or impulsive. However, you and I know we run into opportunities every day where “now” action is the right thing to do, but we procrastinate and often miss the opportunity. Do it now!

Little gestures in the Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: I remember recently I was at the gas station across from my home in Santa Monica. I’m in line and I heard some very distinct East Coast accents. You’ll hear many tourist accents around here, but you could tell these guys were traveling through on a road trip. One guy yelled at his friend in line behind me, to “put $20 bucks on pump three.” (Add your thickest Jersey accent, and probably an expletive for safe measure). So I got a sudden idea. I bought what I needed and then asked the attendant to “add that $20 on pump three for me.” The Jersey dude’s shocked reaction, and gratitude, was worth the price. It really was. At first he refused to accept, but it’s well known that California folk don’t get the best rep on the East Coast, so I just said, “guys, have a great time here, and tell people back home that all Los Angeles people aren’t what they probably think.” Ultimately, that move was selfish on my part, because that $20 was better spent there than it would have been anywhere else. It was fun, memorable, and felt great. And those little gestures certainly don’t have to cost money, but they always buy us happiness.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Closing a Door For the Last Time

Gratitude Growth mindset Respect

Key Point: Many of us daydream about a new door we hope opens; perhaps a relationship, job opportunity, or some other defining experience. I like to think about what it will feel like when I close a door behind me for the last time. This has happened to me numerous times. Without a doubt, these moments have been searingly emotional, both very difficult and deliciously rewarding. Every time that door has closed, it’s been bittersweet and fortunately most have shut with few regrets.

I so painfully and lovingly remember looking at my Dad for the last time as I left his palliative care room. I could feel the heat of the western sun as I slowly closed the door of a successful business that my partner and I had for 10 years. I recall the last elevator down from the tower of a Fortune 50 Company, and many more memories. I do however make a point of literally picturing that door slowly and finally shutting well before it does. If not, I risk leaving unconsciously without my hand on the rudder. I do not want to spend my time in regretful review after it’s too late.

This week, a board member who I genuinely love as a human being, retired. And I was reflecting on why I feel this way towards him and what I’ll miss. He reflects the essence of a man who lived his purpose through plying the land around him. His aged, weathered face is most defined by gleaming eyes that sparkle with insight, infectious humor and twinkle with mischief. His smile and calmness pulls from the perspective of walking the Great Wall of China, viewing the world from the Eiffel Tower. Yet, he is most rooted in the saddle of his quarter horse during calving time on the ranch. This man closed the door, and on our side he left a legacy of sophisticated common sense along with the idea that nothing is sweeter than the ride. He also reminds us that there is NO end, just another door. At every board or committee meeting, he taught me with his questions. He showed me how to use space in conversations. He reminded me that the very best of power of positivity and encouragement. His humbleness was simply overshadowed by wisdom. Thank you Garnet, I only hope one of my doors closes as sweetly as this one.

Character Moves:

1. Everything ends. Every door closes. Being clear and intentional how your and my doors will finally close is absolutely a statement about who we are, and much less about how others participated or not.

2. Everything also begins. Usually before a door closes for the last time, we have the opportunity to re enter it many times. Thankfully, simply based on our totally fallible humanness, we can define that final door closing based on a trend and culmination of things we do and say. Think ahead and determine how the trend will be your friend when you finally close the door with the organization you are currently with.

Closing sweetly in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: I remember helping one of my best friends move out of his sophomore year college apartment before we both drove back home for the summer. He looked through the window from the outside into his empty place for the last time, and made these stupid “be-boo-be-bop-bee-boo” baby sounds… I’ll never forget that. I remember looking at him being like “WHAT was THAT, dude?” But, I stopped and laughed because it makes complete sense, and it’s hilarious. I still laugh about it. He was saying bye to his “baby” of a place that housed all his experiences from the previous year. To be honest, we still joke about going back and finding some way to hang out at that place again… Needless to say, I’ve done the “be-bop” dumb baby sounds at pretty much every place I’ve lived at since too. I’ve found though, once I walk through that new door, the lighting’s always a little brighter than the place with the closed door.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis