Courage | Lorne Rubis

More Fellowship and Civilized Leaders

Key Point: This weekend’s horrific and evil terrorist acts in Paris pierced and frayed the nerves of all civil people worldwide. Civilized humanity is sick, frustrated, and angry… You pick the emotion. What can you and I do about this situation? I want to share a viewpoint by Gianpiero Petriglieri from a Harvard Business Review blog. He is Associate Professor of Organizational Behavior at INSEAD. He also has a medical doctorate and a specialization in psychiatry. Petriglieri states:

“Fostering civilization means cultivating our curiosity to recognize substantive differences, and our commitment to respect them—within and between groups. For that, we need not more effective but more humane leaders. More conflicted, less conflicting ones. Leaders who can hold on to their voice, and help others find theirs, when it feels riskier to do so… There are plenty of good tribal leaders already. We need more civilized leaders instead… And come to think of it, what we really need is not more leadership as much as more fellowship. The sentiment, that is, of sharing a common predicament even if we don’t share the same history, experience, or fate. A sentiment most necessary precisely when fragmentation and fundamentalism are far more common. Fellowship is an antidote to both, an alternative to otherness that does not imply sameness… It is easy to remain speechless, scream, or strike when words do not suffice. But talking is what we need now; especially about what might be hard to hear… We cannot win a war on intolerance. We can only respect each other out of it.”

Character Moves:

In our personal spheres, however small or large, we can all foster and promote inclusiveness. We all share in the same predicament of being human. We must remember that our personal view of the world is only one view. It is not about being right or wrong. It is about genuine compassion for each other.

Remind ourselves that fellowship like Petriglieri emphasizes is an alternative to otherness that does not imply sameness. We must keep our voice and help others find theirs. Recognize that sometimes (often even), this is risky. However, throughout history courageous people have tenaciously allowed for human inclusion to progress. One only needs to appreciate how much in the last few years the civil world has progressed on a variety of human rights (LGBTQ, etc.) to recognize that advancing inclusive humanness is possible. Calling all civilized leaders to step up. That’s you and me!

Respect each other in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: What a time… Sure, we may believe things are progressing, but it depends who you ask. Even in the last month, college campuses across the U.S. are exploding with protests and student groups making demands and even holding “hunger strikes” against supposed inequality. To some, the University of Missouri or the University of South Carolina campuses are the most welcoming places on the planet, and to others the very same classrooms are unsafe establishments that harbor hate… Most of these protests are aimed to advance a conversation. They can still be unnerving to a degree. However, it becomes a whole heck of a lot more threatening when a group decides to protest/communicate with AK-47’s instead of words. Tragedies like Paris make us really come together and ask what’s truthfully important, what’s sincerely worth standing up against, protesting, arguing and fighting for. I agree that “talking” is the preferable weapon, and it would be great to “respect each other” out of something as jarring as war… In civilized places like U.S. college campuses, we have the appropriate networks and patience for that. However, some people would argue that the best words leaders used this weekend are the “From Paris, with love” notes scribbled on the bombs used to retaliate against ISIS.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

The Last 15 Minutes of Anything!

Accountability Contribution Courage

Key Point: I think there is great value in preparing for work and life in the context of playing a sport or being involved in another competitive activity. Participating in these moments teaches us so much about ourselves and positions us for the many challenges we confront in daily life. Learning how to finish is something we can learn and practice in play.

When Alex Ferguson took over as the manager of Manchester United, a world famous English football team, they stunk. It hadn’t won a league title in nearly 20 years and faced the real possibility of being relegated to a lower division. 26 seasons later, under Ferguson’s leadership, United won 38 domestic and international trophies, giving him nearly twice as many as any other English club manager. United became one of the most valuable franchises in all of sports. Harvard Professor, Anita Elberse, studied Ferguson’s “formulae” and published a superb article in the Harvard Business Review. I recently re-read it because I was trying to recall Ferguson’s philosophy on finishing. Here’s what he told Elberse:

“I am a gambler – a risk taker – and you can see that in how we played in the late stages of matches. If we were down at halftime, the message was simple: Don’t panic. Just concentrate on getting the task done. If we were still down – say, 1–2 – with 15 minutes to go, I was ready to take more risks. I was perfectly happy to lose 1–3 if it meant we’d given ourselves a good chance to draw or to win. So in those last 15 minutes, we’d go for it. We’d put in an extra attacking player and worry less about defense. We knew that if we ended up winning 3–2, it would be a fantastic feeling. And if we lost 1–3, we’d been losing anyway.

Being positive and adventurous and taking risks – that was our style. We were there to win the game. Our supporters understood that, and they got behind it. It was a wonderful feeling, you know, to see us go for it in those last 15 minutes. A bombardment in the box, bodies everywhere, players putting up a real fight. Of course, you can lose on the counterattack, but the joy of winning when you thought you were beaten is fantastic.

I think all my teams had perseverance – they never gave in. So I didn’t really need to worry about getting that message across. It’s a fantastic characteristic to have, and it is amazing to see what can happen in the dying seconds of a match.”

I just returned from the Labor Day long weekend where I had an opportunity to watch some of the best cyclists in the world compete in the Tour of Alberta. Of course, these riders are physically gifted. However in cycling, like life, so much success has to do with a mindset of grit and perseverance. The very best riders know exactly when to attack. They leave nothing left in the tank.

Character Moves:

Are you a finisher? In anything you do that matters, do you have a mindset like Sir Alex Ferguson’s teams, or the great cyclists? Do you put up a real fight? Like Ferguson notes: “You can lose on the counter attack but the joy of winning when you thought you were beaten, is fantastic.”

Almost everything in work or life has a “last 15 minutes.” It is always surprising what can happen in those closing moments. Push yourself in the “last 15 minutes.” Of course you may lose, but you know what you did to leave it all on the field.

Practice finishing with greatness. Even cleaning up after yourself when a meeting ends is a symbol of completion. Watch how many people leave without even paying attention. End your evening with a wrap up of what you did well that day. If you’re going for a fun run or ride, end with a strong close. Finishing up strong on the little things leads to having the same mindset when the big, significant events come our way.

Last 15 in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: Seeing that I’m in the office around 5 a.m., I’m not the best when it comes to making my bed first thing in the morning. My morning routine is very quick. It’s rushed, I wake up and I’m out-the-door ASAP. It normally involves me putting on shoes with the assistance of a cell phone flashlight, to put it in perspective. Is that the best way to start the day? Probably not. I do believe in that whole “make your bed first thing because it means you’ve already accomplished something” theory… It makes sense. In this case, we’ll refer to that as the “first 15 minutes.” But you and I both know that when I do get to the office, my messy bed doesn’t really affect anything I do that day. However, my “last 15 minutes” in everything I do for the rest of the day, certainly does.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Movement Against Fear

Accountability Courage Personal leadership

Key Point: Once you start moving, fear usually sinks back into the hole where it belongs. Unless you haven’t been close to a newsfeed, you’ve likely heard about the heroic three Americans and one British citizen, who were traveling Aug. 21, on the sleek high-speed train that takes high-level European diplomats, businesspeople, tourists and ordinary citizens between Amsterdam, Brussels and Paris. The heroes in this situation are Alek Skarlatos, a specialist in the National Guard from Oregon, Air Force, Airman First Class Spencer Stone, another American, Anthony Sadler, and Brit Chris Norman. A terrorist armed with an AK-47, pistol and box cutter intended on killing as many of the 500 passengers as he could. Could you imagine the carnage if left unchecked? Randomly spraying innocent people trapped in the train? Because of the bravery and willingness to act and NOT stay paralyzed, the story had a very different ending. Despite the terrorist’s intentions, there were no deaths, just one apprehended jihadist. As quoted from this Sunday’s New York Times:

“In the train carriage, Mr. Stone was the first to act, jumping up at the command of Mr. Skarlatos. He sprinted through the carriage toward the gunman, running ‘a good 10 meters to get to the guy,’ Mr. Skarlatos said. Mr. Stone was unarmed; his target was visibly bristling with weapons… With Mr. Skarlatos close behind, Mr. Stone grabbed the gunman’s neck, stunning him. But the gunman fought back furiously, slashing with his blade, slicing Mr. Stone in the neck and hand and nearly severing his thumb. Mr. Stone did not let go… Mr. Norman and Mr. Sadler had joined in the efforts to subdue the gunman, who ‘put up quite a bit of a fight,’ Mr. Norman recalled at the news conference in Arras on Saturday. ‘My thought was, ‘I’m probably going to die anyway, so let’s go.’ Once you start moving, you’re not afraid anymore…’ Mr. Anglade (a well known French actor pulled the alarm) and accused the train personnel on Saturday of having fled the scene of the struggle, abandoning the passengers and cowering in the engine car. He told the French news media that the behavior of the staff had been ‘terrible’ and ‘inhuman.’”

Character Moves:

Thankfully, the vast majority of us will not be confronted with the split second decision to fight an armed terrorist in a life or death struggle. But almost all of us likely have some quiet version of “personal terrorism:” Something that eats at us (like that medical diagnosis you know you should get, fierce conversation you know you should have, etc). This applies to the workplace and every part of our life. While the situation above (life or death) does not compare, the lesson from it I believe is relevant: “Once you start moving you’re not afraid anymore.”

Determine what keeps you paralyzed and just move. It will feel so good. Confront that fear, stare it down, “run” at it! What are you waiting for? (Unless you want to cower in corner)?

Moving against fear in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: These stories are such important dopamine dumps. You peruse headlines hoping that you won’t encounter something like this, the story that reminds us to check over our shoulder every time we’re somewhere vulnerable (recent theater shootings don’t help either). But, to know that there are true heroes out there willing to act in these situations has so much more of a lasting impact than the tragic alternative. And they’re fuel to motivate us in more likely, everyday situations. If these guys can run and subdue an armed terrorist, why are we afraid to take any non life-threatening risks? These motivating events will stick with us far longer than that horrible news story we can’t wait to put out of our mind.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

‘I Really Need Your Help’

Accountability Collaboration Courage

Key Point: How do you feel when someone asks you for help? (I didn’t say, ‘ask you for money’). I usually feel darn good that someone has the trust and confidence in me that they would ask. And I do not recall ever turning anyone down when they do.

It was very hot in the church we went to this Sunday. Half way through the service, an elderly parishioner slumped down in the pew a few rows in front of us… Fainting spell? Heart attack? Stroke? Of course, no one was sure but at least six very knowledgeable people jumped in to help. Legs up, cold compresses, pulse check, ambulance called. And of course, the woman didn’t have a choice to ask for help. But, when she slipped into unconsciousness, help was there, and she needed it. I guarantee you everyone felt better as the event concluded. (The patient was ultimately ok).

It made me realize that often people at work (and life) really need help but are reluctant to ask for it. We think we can go it alone. I’ve lived and repeated this mistake in work and life. There have been times when the best thing I could have done is to realize I needed the support of others and wish I’d had the strength to request it. Frankly, my resistance went beyond hard headed perseverance. I was just too proud, and as the wise saying aptly goes, “pride precedes the fall.”

Margie Warrell is a keynote speaker and bestselling author of Brave, and she noted the following in a March Forbes article:

“When you don’t ask for help when you need it, you personally assume all of a burden that might easily (and gladly) be shared by others. And you also deprive those who’d love to assist you of the opportunity to do so. Everyone is worse off… Not only can it help us when times are tough and we’re struggling, but it also gives others the opportunity to make a difference while helping them feel more comfortable to ask for help themselves. When we support other people to be more successful, we discover opportunities for collaboration that ultimately enable us to be more successful ourselves. Everyone is better off.”

Character Moves:

Know when to ask for help and have the courage to do so. Don’t let your ego deprive others from contributing. It is important that you are genuine and honest when describing what you need help with. This includes identifying that you are struggling without knowing exactly what you require. When you go down for the count, asking for help can often be too little too late.

If someone asks for help, be a great listener BEFORE you offer solutions. Cross the bridge to stand as close as you can to the person requesting help. Stand in their shoes as best as you can. Be present, notice, and inquire. Clarity on how to best help follows empathetic listening. Do not blindly try to “fix it” for the other person.

Also have the courage to let someone know that they may require help. Often times, people are so stuck in mud, they can’t “back the car out far enough to look at what a mess they’re in.” They honestly don’t understand how much they need the support of others. Describe what behavior you see and what indicates they may need help. Offer it. Do it.

Help in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: A fraternity buddy and I created a show for our university’s TV network, and during one of the segments, we invited a local psychic as a guest. He read my palm, and immediately told me I was “very independent.” That’s probably the only thing he had right, but, needless to say, even (probably fake) psychics can tell that asking for “help” with pretty much anything is not my strong suit. Ironically, I love helping others, but, still, I’m generally too darn stubborn to ask for it myself. That, however, doesn’t mean I’m always smart enough to mask it, or in a place where I don’t need it. The courage to ask for more help is something I’ll probably have to work on forever, but, in the meantime, I hope to help as many others as I can so at least it would justify any assistance that comes my way.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Grace to Play

Accountability Courage Resilience

Key Point: We are all given the grace to PLAY. Why sit on the sidelines? Today, I had the privilege of interviewing Hayley Wickenheiser, one of Canada’s greatest athletes. For our American, European and Asian readers, Hayley is Canada’s female version of Michael Jordan, Lionel Messi, you get the idea. Awarded the Order of Canada, she is a five time Olympic medal winner, including four golds. The QMI Agency named Hayley among the top 10 “Greatest Female Athletes in the History of Sports.” She is Sports Illustrated number 20 of 25 Toughest Athletes in the World, a two-time finalist for the Women’s Sports Foundation Team Athlete of the Year, twice named among the Globe and Mail’s “Power 50” influencers.

During the interview I asked Hayley to talk about her affection for Grace Bowen, a child she met and described in her blog as, “The greatest player I ever knew.” Hayley knew Grace as a fiery 9-year-old who enjoyed nothing more than playing Hockey. One unique thing about Grace was that she had no lower right leg. Doctors had amputated it in order to take a tumor out. The form of Cancer is called Osteosarcoma. As Hayley notes in her blog, “The thing with Grace is that she had a choice of how she wanted doctors to remove her leg. She chose a rotationplasty, a procedure that would allow doctors to take her foot and turn it backwards and use it as a knee joint. She did this so that she could PLAY HOCKEY again someday. It moved me like nothing else to see her with this new leg.”

Sadly, the story about Grace ends far too early. The cancer consumed Grace and she left this world without the chance to play again. Eventually, Grace’s parents had to tell her that she was going to die. Her response was, “Please give me more chemo… Anything, daddy… I just want to play.”

Character Moves:

Are you in the game today? Are you playing hard? Are you bringing it? If there is a grain of any decency to come from the painful passing of Grace Bowen, it’s the reminder to JUST PLAY. And as Hayley reflected during our conversation, “These days I care most about the way I play… That I give it my all, and do my very best. That’s more important than the final score.” There is no score if we don’t play!

Ideally each of us will experience the joyous battle between second place and us. However, we can’t even be in that zone unless we play first. Then it’s about digging in, and pushing past our comfort zone.

All of us will be “Grace.” One day we won’t be able to PLAY even if we want to. Hopefully we will say, “I played. I brought it and left it ALL on the field.” All in!

GRACE in the Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: It’s amazing how we have to remind ourselves to “just play,” but there certainly don’t seem to be enough Hayley or Grace mentalities around anymore. It’s simply overlooked, but there’s a hard truth to the “you can’t win if you don’t play” phrase. Too often, we’re comfortable sitting on the sidelines (read: or our couches) as long as we’re just “on the roster.” People that don’t update their resume don’t get new jobs, people that don’t scratch lotto tickets never hit the jackpot, and people that Netflix every night never meet anyone new. Life is about getting in the game, and we all should keep that in mind more often.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Stay left of your BUT!!

Accountability Books Courage

Key Point: It is important for us to be thoughtful and aware of our self-talk. Most of us spend an awful lot of time talking to ourselves. Yet we may not appreciate how our self-talk creates vivid images that evoke feelings, which often powerfully translate into self-fulfilling behavior and performance. You’ve likely heard the story about golfer’s who negative self-talk… “Geez, I’m likely going to shank this shot.” And of course, the body is happy to comply. Somehow if one says, “don’t bonk,” our action somehow forgets the “don’t” part. On the other hand, we know that visualizing an outcome we desire can result in remarkable performance. Audience griping musicians, gold medal winning athletes, life saving surgeons and others often visualize the preferred ending before starting their “performance.”

Dr. Peter Jensen is an internationally recognized authority on high performance. Since completing his Ph.D. in sports psychology, he has attended seven Olympic games as a member of the Canadian Olympic team and has worked with more than 40 medal-winning athletes and coaches. He is the author of The Inside Edge, which offers advice on improving personal and organizational performance under pressure. Recently Peter posted a white paper that included five things we can do to move the stories we tell ourselves from hindering to helpful. Here are Dr. Jensen’s recommendations:

“1. Challenge what you believe.

American sociologist Louis Wirth said that the ‘single most important thing you need to know about yourself is what assumptions are you operating on that you never question?’

2. Reframe your inner dialogue.

Consciously work to make your self-talk more ‘action oriented’. Self- talk oriented around ‘what else can go wrong’ or ‘now what?’ is less helpful than seeing a problem for what it is, a puzzle to be solved. The truth is that we all have a long history of solving the problems put in front of us and dealing with change. A quick level- headed look back at how we felt about other changes when they were first introduced and where we are now in relation to them demonstrates that we are very good at this but don’t have to go through it with the same angst we did last time.

3. Breathe!

When you find that your inner stories or choice of words are creating stress or pressure, follow your mother’s advice, step back, take a few deep breaths, and move to a more appropriate mindset.

4. Stay left of your ‘but.’

A hockey coach I know encourages his players to ‘stay left of your ‘but.’ What he means by this is on those occasions where you are telling yourself a story such as, ‘I know I should be  more patient with her but…” Simply stay left of your but and do what you need to do.

5. Question your self-talk.

Finally, spend some time asking yourself questions about what you’re saying to yourself. ‘Where did this come from? Is it helpful? Do I have to, want to, think like this?’”

Character Moves:

Start with no. 5. Become much more aware of your self-talk. How do you talk to yourself? What are you saying? Why? Is that how you would talk to your most loved ones?
Really try staying to the “left of your but.” Watch and listen to others (to learn rather than judge). Once people cross over to the right side of the “but,” we often forget what was on the left. The same thing happens inside our heads, hearts and hands. Stay to the left!!

Staying left in the Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: You’ll hear phrases like “fake it till you make it,” “it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission,” and “you can’t win if you don’t play.” Part of me loves advice like this, it fires me up and motivates. On the other hand, it can also be frustrating because guess what? It demands risk, it’s not easy, and it’s all action-oriented that dares you to “just go for it.” If you notice, it also encourages you to disregard the “but.” When it comes to significant issues like our employment, the absence of a “safety net” in these situations can evoke hesitation… At its worst, it can cause us to stand still. The next time my inner monologue is second guessing itself, I want to remember I’ve gotten this far, so perhaps I can jump more often… At the very least, keep marching forward.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis