Kiss My ALS and The #IceBucketChallenge

Abundance Community Kindness

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Key Point: Abundance by nature is more than being positive. It includes the spirit of being generous and expansive. When you have this value built into your character, you make the world a better place.

The #IceBucketChallenge has overtaken North America the last few weeks. And I believe it is a powerful, fun way to bring attention to the devastating disease, ALS (commonly referred to as Lou Gehrig’s disease). You may have had your fill of ice bucket videos, but if you want to watch a couple, the following by a 26-year-old diagnosed with ALS and the one by Bill Gates are two ends of the continuum… Literally. And if you want a more literary trip to better understand the incredible toll the disease takes, read a previous New York Times best seller, Tuesdays With Morrie, which has been enjoyed by millions.

Recently, I was listening to a radio show interviewing critics of the challenge. The complaints ranged from the “silliness of the stunt” and the selfie focus, to the most oft sited concern that the attention to ALS would take away from contribution to other charities. Really? The reason I want to comment on negativity towards the viral #IceBucketChallenge is that it is representative of another “disease” I see all too often… SCARCITY. That’s when people like to diminish or contract versus celebrating and expanding. In the world of organizations, scarcity includes people who like to minimize the success or accomplishments of others for whatever reason. Cultures that are riddled with a scarcity mentality are prone to put more energy into resisting and attacking the success of others. It’s surprising how negatively effective they can be.

Character Moves:

  1. Embrace abundance as a way of thinking and acting (even though there can be underlying pull towards being cynical or critical). This doesn’t mean being naive or turning a blind eye to constructive criticism. However, the lean towards emphasizing the goodness of something successful or excellent most often leads us to a better place to build from. Regarding the ALS challenge, why not try and understand what caught the imagination of people versus criticizing the viral nature of this phenomenon?

Note: To date the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge has raised $79.7 million (and growing)… In comparison, Time Magazine reports that the group only raised $2.2 million during the same period in 2013.

Dumping ice water on scarcity in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: Yeah, I’ve heard the criticisms too. I work with or have been around those who argue the #IceBucketChallenge is “self serving,” or even a “waste of water.” REALLY?  If you find it self-serving, don’t post your video to Facebook, just send your video to the person that nominated you. Also, check out my favorite by #43, G. W. Bush. BTW I think that millennials are the most active in this challenge for the right reasons to bring attention to ALS while also having fun. 

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Laugh Your %#$ off! For real!

Abundance Community Well-being

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Key Point: Laughter and a sense of humor are like oxygen for the spirit. I love to make people laugh and work with people who do the same. Over my career, practical jokes and just plain finding the humor in daily stuff has made such a difference in my life. Getting results at work is serious, but it doesn’t mean that it requires everyone to be head down, humorless and somehow thinking fun is for “after work.” These days, particularly with the advancement of mobile technology, work and after work are blending into what is clearly just life. I am not going to reserve humor for “after 5:00 p.m. and weekends.” I don’t expect everyone to be a comedian or prankster but if you’re a sour puss, please go work somewhere else. The Mayo Clinic and countless other scientific organizations have underlined the important health benefits of laughter. You and I deserve to laugh and have fun with each other for no other reason than it is physically and emotionally good for us. In fact, I believe we owe it to ourselves to laugh out loud daily, as many times as we can. It also impacts our P.Q. (Positive Quotient).

This week my CEO took a few of us to a world class Comedy Festival. Belly laughing for a couple of hours reminded me of how sometimes we under value humor in the office. By the way, this CEO is a guy who laughs everyday. I love working with him. (Trust me… This does not diminish his toughness). During my career I have prided myself in practical jokes, including but not limited to putting a colleagues sailing boat up for sale at 25 percent of its value, hiding a CEO’s top secret plan after he threatened to fire anyone who misplaced it, and an unimaginable number of infantile, but hopefully well intentioned pranks. More importantly, finding the daily humor in most things is what I really believe puts a smile on each other’s souls.

Even serious subjects are fair game. As an example, we are getting ready to up our game by advancing the company diversity/inclusion strategy and that’s causing some angst regarding implementation. So I sent the following picture out and added the caption as a precursor to our planning discussion on the next steps:

“Ok raise your hand if you want to talk about our inclusion strategy?” 

Cartoon

Ok… Humor is personal but at least I’m trying to see comedy in this subject… Haha.

Character Moves to Improve Our Sense of Humor (Adapted from the Mayo Clinic research):

  1. Put humor on your daily horizon. Consciously look for things that make you and others laugh. This could include proactively looking for photos or comic strips that make you chuckle. Keep funny movies or comedy podcasts on hand for when you need an added boost. (I love CBC’s “This is That.” Everytime I listen to those guys, I burst out laughing).
  2. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Find a way to laugh about your own situations and watch your stress begin to fade away. Even if it feels forced at first, practice laughing. It does your body good. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. (Remember my scrotum blog)? 🙂
  3. Share a laugh. Make it a habit to spend time with funny friends and teammates. And then return the favor by sharing comedic stories or jokes with those around you. Occasionally a great, and still tasteful practical joke makes a wonderful contribution.
  4. Knock-knock. Look for the humor in situations around you. Connect the wonderful attributes of your teammates to what is naturally funny about themselves and their situations. This is NOT making fun of people, but finding wonderful humor in what is unique and glorious about them.
  5. Know what isn’t funny. Don’t laugh at the expense of others. Some forms of humor aren’t appropriate. Use your best judgment to discern a good joke from a bad, or hurtful one. Anything involving the bathroom and related body parts is usually out of line… Certainly with workmates. (This is where there is a difference between “work” and “non-work.”

Havin’ a laugh in The Triangle,

Lorne 

How Do You Stereotype Others? Be Honest

Community Respect

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Key Point: We all have a lot of work to do addressing stereotyping. I learned an invaluable lesson when I attended a diversity workshop conducted at a Fortune 50 company in the early ‘90’s. It was quite advanced work at that time. The classes were set up to include representation from every possible race, gender, sexual orientation, and religious belief… You name it. A large paper sheet with the heading of each group was posted on the walls of the classroom… For example; Black, Hispanic, Gay, Jew, you get the picture. We were then instructed on those little yellow Post-it Notes, to personally write down positive characteristics of each group from our individual perspective. After taking some time to gather our thoughts, we scattered around the room, putting up our advanced insights on diversity. Being in a “diversity” class, of course we were all “respectful” in our Post-it Note exercise. Under “blacks” were comments like… “Gifted basketball players,” “rhythmically terrific…” Gays were described as “artistic,” “flamboyant,” etc. At the end of the exercise, with the wallpapers full of “positive comments,” participants were asked to go to the papers and take off anything that was NOT accurate… And as you might have guessed by now…NOT ONE comment remained. Geez… Us very “enlightened” people had a long way to go regarding understanding our inherent prejudices and stereotyping. It has been nearly 25 years since that exercise in a Denver classroom… How much have we progressed?

Claude Steele, one of the world’s leading social psychologists, has written an important book called Whistling Vivaldi: How Stereotypes Affect Us and What We Can Do (Issues of Our Time). In this very readable and well researched “identity tour,” Steele outlines the powerful risks and limitations of “identity threat” to all of us. We in the western world have obviously made some macro gains on broad based stereotyping and matters related (interracial marriage, homophobia, etc.). However, most of us have much more relentless work to do at a personal level to fully appreciate the subtle, insidious threat and impact of identity/stereotyping operating in our backgrounds and daily living. I strongly encourage you to read the book to fully appreciate this. (BTW, it is on Bill Gates’ 2013 must read list).

Character Moves:

  1. Recognize that the DNA of every possible group is in each of us or is part of us in some way. When we open ourselves to that understanding, we take on a more inclusive view of the world and ourselves.
  2. At the same time, as Steele provokes in his book’s conclusion, we all have unique identities and ideally should become more deeply self-aware and embrace them. Use them as a bridge to better understand each other with greater empathy and tolerance. Contrary to becoming “color blind” and perhaps counterintuitive, we might all be better off to embrace becoming more “color and identity rich.”
  3. Appreciate that identities are obviously important but NOT unalterable. We are also shaped powerfully by situation and in combination with deeper identity self-awareness, identity and stereotyping is less limiting and perhaps even an accelerant.
  4. Don’t assume that you’re so enlightened that you don’t need to learn more about this in your self-awareness journey. What kind of stereotype “Post-it Notes” are in your head?

Whistling Vivaldi in The Triangle,

Lorne

 

Would You Pick Happiness or Meaning?

Abundance Community Purpose

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Key Point: There has been a lot of “happiness talk” lately. Understandably the holy grail of achieving personal happiness is a popular thought. Even countries like England are attempting to measure citizen happiness. But is the obsession with discovering happiness by itself the best course of action? For some time I (and many others) have been writing about the vital need to have a defined purpose and meaning in one’s (work) life. It is a key message in both of my books The Character Triangle and The Character Triangle Companion. Let’s face it, devoting serious time to thinking about and defining our life purpose and meaning is deceptively challenging for most of us. It can even feel academic and artificial. Who has time for it?

But more and more research demonstrates that people who have meaning in their lives in the form of a clearly defined purpose, rate their satisfaction with life higher, even when they were feeling bad than those who don’t. What sets human beings apart from animals is NOT the pursuit of happiness, but the pursuit of meaning, which is unique to humans. This is a tenant expressed by Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney, in their recent book Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. Martin Seligman, one of today’s leading psychological scientists, states that when living a meaningful life, “you use your highest strengths and talents to belong to and serve something you believe is larger than the self.” And Wharton professor Adam Grant‘s new book Give and Take reinforces the value of giving without expecting reciprocity as a key route to success. I believe it’s also a powerful connector to greater meaning and sustainable happiness.

Indeed some researchers are cautioning against chasing mere happiness. In a new study, as referenced in a recent article from The Atlantic by Emily Esfahani Smith, notes key findings in the pursuit of happiness and meaning. The following is a highlight:

“Meaning is not only about transcending the self, but also about transcending the present moment — which is perhaps the most important finding of the study, according to the researchers. While happiness is an emotion felt in the here and now, it ultimately fades away, just as all emotions do; positive affect and feelings of pleasure are fleeting. The amount of time people report feeling good or bad correlates with happiness but not at all with meaning. Happiness without meaning characterizes a relatively shallow, self-absorbed or even selfish life, in which things go well, needs and desire are easily satisfied, and difficult or taxing entanglements are avoided.”

(Ed. Note: This does NOT mean we shouldn’t be present and live in the now).

Character Moves:

  1. Keep working on defining and refining your purpose and meaning. Focus on that and I genuinely believe achieving “happiness” in a more sustainable form will take care of itself.
  2. Give more without the expectation of reciprocity. (Abundance). This behavior does not mean you’re a “push over” or “chump.” On the contrary, it is a totally free investment in you. This is not silly self-sacrificing martyrdom either. I believe, and lots of data supports this view too, that a commitment to adding more value in every exchange you have with others leads to greater success. Read Grant’s “Give and Take” to evaluate the reasoning behind this.
  3. Connect PURPOSE/MEANING with GIVING as a way of life: This is a personal winning combination for lasting contentment and sustainable happiness. (Along with the Character Triangle values)!

Beyond happiness in The Triangle,

Lorne

P.S. The inspiration and some of the research referenced for this blog came from this wonderful article in The Atlantic.

 

Will Fallen Little Angels Inspire Us to REALLY Talk and Act?

Communication Community Respect

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Key Point: The indescribable hurt we feel from the horrific shooting at the Newtown, Conn. school this week is palpable. Sometimes “enough” really becomes “enough.” Americans, and to various degrees, the rest of the world, must have a crucial conversation about the devastating relationship between mental illness and assault weapons. We cannot close our eyes and hope “it” goes away. We know this is going to happen again and again if we do not allow ourselves to discuss the situation, with a meaningful path of action towards a more acceptable future state.

What can you and I do? What is in our control? At the most basic level, the one thing we can do is set an example by learning and practicing the skills required to participate in conversations when the stakes are high. We have the tools and knowledge, but it also means possessing the will and respect to be open to the possibility that it’s not just “my way or the highway.” We have to be open to the prospect of other views and paths suggesting a better way.

Character Moves:

  1. Recognize your worldview is only one. We consciously or subconsciously filter what we see based on our deeply held beliefs. At best, this anchors us. At worst, it closes our minds to possibilities and promotes intellectual dishonesty. This kind of ignorance has contributed to much of our inhumanity. As an example, a movie like Spielberg’s Lincoln, gives us a window into how much we gave to change views on slavery.
  2. Commit yourself to learning and practicing how to manage crucial conversations. There are numerous very good models for doing this. Check this out as an example. This is not about how you can learn to convince another person that your view is right, it is about mutually finding a better way to a more desirable state.
  3. Learn how to apply this at home and work first. If we can all get better on a “local” level, perhaps we can increase our ability to effectively have crucial conversations on a broader scale. The alternative is to allow the unacceptable to repeat. If we allow that to happen, it’s because we do not have the will, focus and competence to change it for the best. And that is definitely living without character.

Inspired by little angels in The Triangle,

Lorne

 

Thanksgiving… Who Cares?

Abundance Community Gratitude

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Key Point: We ALL care about Thanksgiving. I’m both an American and Canadian citizen and as you likely know, both countries have a Thanksgiving holiday. And while both dates provide a moment to celebrate and give thanks, they are both remarkably different AND similar. My observation is that for Americans it is a pause for reflection and chance to take a deep breath (for many, four days off work). It is also the gateway to the holiday season. In some ways Thanksgiving in the U.S. is a “bigger” event than Christmas. Because the Canadian holiday is a long weekend in October, the pause is shorter and the connection to the Christmas season is distant. The common ingredient to both holidays and countries however, are reflections of gratitude, family, friends, food and football. Yet I think the best ingredient in the beautiful recipe of Thanksgiving is that it is spiritual but not necessarily religious. We ALL get to fully participate regardless of faith, race, or position in life. It is not exclusive to Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, or any others. Thanksgiving is essentially free, unburdened by material expectations or faith obligations. It is simply a moment to say thank you to each other, our selves, and to our own Divine.

Character Move:

  1. Simply, be grateful. Having the breath to do so and the freedom to celebrate is a great place to start. Remember to say a genuine thank you to yourself… Forgive yourself, accept and cherish your humanity.

Thanksgiving in The Triangle,

Lorne

P.S. every Thanksgiving our family tries to watch the funny and touching comedy movie, Planes, Trains and Automobiles. The unlikely combo of Steve Martin and John Candy’s characters struggle to get home for Thanksgiving. Through a riotous and unlikely adventure they find the real spirit of Thanksgiving. Give yourself the gift of watching it… In my case, for the 20th time, and I promise a smile will cross your cranium. Happy Thanksgiving!