Key Point: Phrases and words are often taken for granted. They become almost “throw away” statements. I’m not sure people give much thought to what the words they string together can really say about the way we think. Lately, I’m paying more attention to a couple of phrases or sentences that “irk” or “engage” me.
Here are some “irk” examples:
“I don’t know what’s going on.” Now, I’ve found myself saying this too. And every time I default to it, I try and give myself a kick in my pants. The phrase is actually pathetic in some ways. Whah whah. How about asking: “How might I find out out what I need to know?” And/or “What can I do make sure I’m in the loop?” Instead of a victimized, powerless, poor “little fella left in the dark,” I better take control to get the info I need when I need it.
“I don’t have any feedback for you.” Really? This is usually a load of B.S. What it often means is: “I don’t want to think that hard;” “I don’t care enough to invest that much energy;” “you don’t or won’t do anything even if I do give you feedback;” “you’ll just get defensive and mad;” etc. Yes, you and I have feedback and we owe it to ourselves and teammates to give it in a respectful, direct, authentic and raw way. Be specific. It’s the caring intent behind feedback that counts more than anything.
“I sent you an email, didn’t you read it?” BFD… You sent me an email. That doesn’t mean anything other than you did. This can be a big CYA and may have little meaning relative to the importance of the message. If it’s vital for someone to know something, I owe it to them and me to be sure they do.
Now, for some “engaging” ones:
“Wouldn’t it be cool if?” Now this phrase is about opening up possibilities. It helps people think big. The CEO of Marvel is big on this, and used it to help his company completely reinvent itself. Wouldn’t it be cool if we all asked ourselves this all the time?
“How might we?” It is so great to see people rally around this phrase. It puts life into what could be. It can be powerfully little or BIG. There is almost no end to the results possible with this phrase. Watch people rally when you ask about things in this way.
“Have you considered?” This phrase frees people up to be abundant versus judgmental. Rather than too soft or too hard, this phrase allows us to expand thinking. It is a way of giving feedback with less pain. It simply asks the question.
- Give thought to the phrases above. Which might you use more of and/or less of? What other phrases or sentences might limit or propel us? Our language really can tell us how we think and behave.
“Wouldn’t it be cool” in The Triangle?
One Millennial View: I think I’ve discussed my personal dislike for the phrase, “it is what it is.” And trust me, I’ve heard a LOT of people I respect very much use it. I’m aware it’s pretty common vernacular. But, it is dishonest. What that really seems to mean is, “I surrender.” Now, that said, I still subscribe to the idea that context means a lot more than the language itself, but if we can all just work on getting over the fear and discomfort attached to being genuine, brave, or burdensome, then that would likely benefit us all. Then again, whatever, it is what it… See?
Edited and published by Garrett Rubis