Key Point: I’ve never personally met Zoey Miller, but I like her. She is the main editor of The Babble Out, and describes herself as, “A woman from next door with problems and joys of her everyday life. I know that the more I give, the more I’ll be given, so this blog is firstly for helping more and more people, couples and singles and hopefully it will do good to me, too. We wanted The Babble Out to be different. As such, we don’t talk about problems in general and end up with the most popular answer. Instead, we share our real-life experience, the knowledge we gained and solutions which helped us to make our lives better and happier. We do this even though it may sometimes be hard to read.”
Miller notes a Fortune magazine figure stating that in 1970,11 percent of people said they were lonely; in 2010 this was 45 percent.
She goes on to say, “I don’t know how this happened, but I want to change it. I’m convinced that solitude is one of the worst feelings in the world. If I can help only one person, then it was worth starting this site.”
Zoey is an abundant person and her purpose is to change this loneliness trend. She knows giving to others will better her too and understands the value of being real, authentic and vulnerable. Zoey understands how to really help because she’s travelled through her experiences with evolving self-awareness and by extension, well-developed emotional intelligence.
A recent Zoey blog included a great summary on emotional intelligence (EI). I have blogged about the importance of EI several times. The following includes two elements of emotional intelligence this Babble Out article highlights that I want to emphasize:
“Controlling Our Emotions:
It is an idea that surprises some of us, but everyone controls their own emotions. How we choose to interpret events decides our emotional reaction to those events.
As an example, let’s say that you’ve worked hard to become very good at making spaghetti sauce, and are proud of this skill. You serve your best effort so far to a group of friends, expecting praise, or at least recognition of this excellent sauce.
But one of your friends makes a suggestion, rather than offering unqualified praise. ‘If you had added just a dash of cayenne and a cup of Chianti, this sauce would be phenomenal.’
You have a choice in how you react, depending entirely upon how you choose to view this suggestion.
My sauce isn’t good enough for them. This will understandably lead to feelings of being rejected or attacked.
They’re trying to help me be even better. This will likely lead to feeling that the friend is on your side, encouraging and helping you.
These would be two very different experiences, based upon the same event. The one that you experience depends entirely on your interpretation. We choose these interpretations every time. Many people choose based upon unthinking habit, others consider the options and make a conscious choice. The ability to intentionally decide how to view events, to steer ourselves toward the most effective emotional reaction, is a valuable skill in improving our EI.
Helping Those Around Us to Re-frame:
The skill of deciding how to view an event before you react emotionally to it is called framing. If you experience a negative emotion, going back to choose a different interpretation of an event in order to experience an emotion that will lead to a more positive outcome is called re-framing… Skill at doing so will enable you to help optimize the outcome for your group, whether that group is a team at work, part of your social circle, your primary emotional relationship, or the Little League team that you’re coaching. It is a skill that can have a positive impact on almost every aspect of your life.”
In my many years as a formal leader in organizations, I’ve come to understand that much of the distracting drama in the work place (and life) stems from the “my sauce not being good enough” response to feedback, and poor skills in knowing how and when to consciously frame or re-frame an event before responding emotionally.
- Consider joining Zoey Miller in her mission to fight loneliness and feeling like we are isolated. Accessible and responsible sites like Zoey’s help us authentically connect and realize we are far from being alone if we connect as a community.
- Please invest in learning more about and practicing the skill of framing and reframing. This ability puts us in control of situations that otherwise control our emotions and us. Consciously practicing and applying these skills develops our emotional intelligence and propels us forward in our relationships (and even being less alone).
Going Zoey in The Triangle,
One Millennial View: Abundant is right! I believe Zoey is a fellow Millennial, and I certainly admire her efforts to start this blog and connect, learn and spread the value of EI. Controlling emotions and re-framing situations is crucial to every element of our personal and professional lives… Before we fire off that Tweet, or clog everyone’s Facebook feed with an emotional opinion, some good, abundant self-control and re-framing is always beneficial. Maybe even read over Zoey’s blog for a refreshing outlook to find some zen.
Edited and published by Garrett Rubis