January, 2016 | Lorne Rubis

What You Seek is What You Are

Authenticity Personal leadership Respect

Key Point: Find what you’re seeking in others and elsewhere in yourself first.

“I must know that I am, at least in part, the very thing I am seeking.” In fact, that is what makes me seek it! As St. Augustine also profoundly expressed, “What you seek is what you are.”

This first quote is from Fr. Richard Rohr, one smart Franciscan who operates at a much higher level than I can ever aspire to. The second from the above mentioned mystic, St. Augustine. While this blog is totally secular and work focused, I do occasionally refer to traditional religions for insight. In this case, Fr. Richard and Augustine remind us to emphasize that we most often already have what we are seeking. It’s a matter of digging deeply into understanding our emotions and behavior to find it.

This thinking is a foundational premise of my blog. I believe it’s very difficult to lead others without being able to lead yourself first. As an example, if we want to be able to inspire others, we first have to be inspired. If we want to respect and listen better, first we must find that within ourselves. When we want others to be more accountable, we must show the way by being first and foremost self-accountable. When we cherish authenticity, we must have the courage to be authentic. And so on.

Every New Year, of course, is a time for most of us to reflect and seek more. In our “Knew Year” blog, we encouraged investing in a self-development process to help with that. In parallel, we want to remind ourselves that while we can and should seek insight from others, there is the wisdom of ages in the quotes above. That is, recognize that you and I are already what we’re seeking. Let’s go find it and expose it more.

Character Moves:

Recognize that for most of us, a personal dig is hard. We have to be very curious in understanding why we think, feel and do. That’s challenging work. Very few of us are taught how to do that. Often, we build a think veneer and just chug along. Be curious and really be better at digging into to yourself to find what we’re seeking is already there.

Seeking what you are in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: Twice this week. Two times. I’ve been sitting watching “Making a Murderer” (like everyone else on the planet, it seems)… While sucked into this show, I briefly thought to myself that I COULD (probably should) do ___, ___, ___ instead. All those ___ options would be more pertinent and useful activities towards finding and building upon what I’m “seeking.” Nope. Roll, Netflix, roll. Now that I’m finished with the show, I hope I can be as interested and devoted to pursuing what I seek, as that latest must-stream phenomenon you can’t seem to turn off.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

You Can’t Skip ACT 2

Accountability Authenticity Resilience

Key Point: Every great story, as noted by the geniuses at Pixar, has an ACT 2. This is when the protagonist is confronted with the biggest challenges, “darkness” and usually the “lowest of lows.” The lead character usually realizes, “Holy crap, finding my way to a ‘happy ending’ is going to be tough.”

I remember working for a Fortune 50 company where I was one of seven people reporting directly to the Chairman/CEO. For a number of reasons, including timing and luck, I had a mercurial rise from director at a subsidiary to VP on the company’s top team. Then, after one celebrated success after another, I ran into a major “S#!% Storm.” I felt alone, unsure, a loss of confidence and I could feel myself losing support. The “Golden Boy” wasn’t as shiny. While I was always sure footed and believed I could navigate anything thrown my way, I found myself becoming afraid. Rather than running at my fear, I looked for a “way out” and took it.

Upon much reflection, I realized I tried to “skip Act 2.” I have given that situation a lot of thought over the years and here is the big “a-ha” that may not be so big for you but it has been to me… You can try, but one way or another you can’t really skip Act 2! Furthermore, you can’t just go to Act 3 without playing out Act 2. That middle “darkness” is always waiting for you. It’s only a matter of time and it’s never just once. Geez! If this is a truism in life, what does that mean to each of us?

The great news is that all the pain, hurt, frustration, disappointment, sense of failure (yup, it’s a full emotional buffet), is where the ultimate “magic” comes from too. This is where we need to park ourselves and really learn. There are many lessons in the darkness and when we take the time to shine a light, important lessons emerge that help us navigate Act 3 and better equip us for the next second act. Isn’t that a great thing?

Character Moves:

Do not think you can skip Act 2 in life. And there is no sugar coating the experience. It usually just sucks. Like the researcher Brene Brown notes, there is no real authenticity in just bragging about “golden grit;” where you pump your chest and only describe the happy ending. Most times, Act 2 involves a fall and it feels like landing in a bucket of dung.

Rising up, dusting ourselves off, being resilient and moving forward is everything. However, it also involves investing in self-awareness that requires the courage to undertake an honest self-assessment and confront the stories we make up in our heads. It’s this process that brings wisdom and the changes that allow us to live richer lives, personally leading others and ourselves in much fuller ways.

Loving Act 2 in The Triangle,

Lorne

One Millennial View: Upon speaking and reconnecting with friends over the holidays, I realized that many people feel like their “movie” isn’t necessarily as short as they may have expected. I don’t know if I’ve reached an Act 2 yet, but sometimes I think it’s common to feel like you’ve just paused the story, and maybe it’s more difficult to “press play” because you know an Act 2 is likely the next scene. Act 1 can’t last forever, either.

– Garrett

Edited and published by Garrett Rubis

Happy KNEW Year!

Accountability Growth mindset Personal leadership

Key Point: Instead of being filled with good intentions this New Year and getting predictably mixed results, let’s make it a “Knew Year” by applying action we KNOW can positively make a difference in our lives immediately.

Garrett and I are going to commit to the following actions during January 2016. If they have the expected positive impact we will consider making them a regular part of our lives. These actions are not new but as a system (like the Character Triangle) we believe they will make us more mindful and ultimately happier. Feel free to join us in this “Knew Year” action plan by Character Moves your best shot for the next 31 days.

Character Moves:

The following two actions are “compulsory:”

No Complaint January.

See how many days during the month you can go without complaining, whining, gossiping and/or bad mouthing anyone. Wear a band on one wrist. Every time you complain, whine, gossip or badmouth another person, put the band on the other wrist. The goal is to go as many days in a row without having to switch your band from one wrist to the other. How many days in a row can you go without switching? The science is that your words drive your thinking and disposition. Change your words and you change your thinking.

Meditate five days a week for at least five minutes.

Unless you are already practiced at meditation, we suggest downloading the apps “Headspace” or “Calm” and follow a meditation guide. If you feel good about the experience then increase the time to 10 minutes/week or more through the month. Even if you can focus on your breath in stillness for just a few minutes, it’s been proven to lead to numerous benefits.

Pick two out of the following (although doing them all of them is obviously more than ok. Just don’t over commit).

Journal for five minutes each morning.

Take five minutes to write down small things you are grateful for in one of the following categories: Relationships, opportunities, or experiences. Capture three items in total. It could be as simple as the smile you get from the receptionist, a great cup of coffee or the project you were assigned. Wrap up the journal with the one focus and/or result you’d like to achieve that day.

Send one “thank you” or recognition daily.

Identify one person who did something you want to say thank you for and/or acknowledge the positive impact of their action. Write a note or send a text/email; whatever medium. Just do it.

Fill up a “wow” jar.

Put a quart jar on you desk or kitchen table, and when something awesome or amazing happens, write it down and throw it in the jar! See if you can fill it up over the month.

Give yourself a couple of four to 10 deep breath breaks throughout the day!

Before a meeting, during a stressful moment, prior to sending a touchy email, when you feel anxious or just need a break, take four to 10 long, deep breaths. Concentrate on your breath… In the nose, out through the mouth.

Journal briefly each night to wrap the day up.

Take a few minutes to outline a few highlights that happened during the day, describe one key learning and/or something you might have done better.

Unless you are up to doing more, please do the two compulsory actions and pick your favorite other two. We believe doing four of the above with dedication and thoughtful commitment will result in greater mindfulness for all of us. And we will be better for it. When others are quitting the gym and giving up on their “6 pack abs” New Years resolution, we will be gaining momentum for the rest of 2016 and beyond with a Knew Year.

A 2016 Knew Year in the Triangle,

Lorne and Garrett