Key Point: I can tell you that most times, when I have been in relationship difficulty, my immature ego has been a big part of the “drama.” Ego has an important role to play but it’s best when we are in control of it and not vice versa. The ego acts as a filter that provides us an interpretation of events and situations that we are involved in. Cindy Wigglesworth, author of SQ 21: The Twenty-One Skills of Spiritual Intelligence (I’ve blogged about her before) makes the following point about our ego and its role in interpretation:
“The ego over-simplifies, over-dramatizes, and interprets things in order to keep us “safe” (i.e., without blame). The problem is that when we assign blame, not only are we potentially inaccurate, but we are also giving away our power. If it is “his fault” that the kids are sad, then the implied solution is for him to “come home, change who he is, be the kind of person I want him to be and the kind of dad I want him to be, and then the kids will be happy.
These are the kinds of interpretations I am making, you are making, we all are making. Why does that matter? Because once we OWN that we are making the interpretations, we can choose a new interpretation: We can reframe the situation through new eyes. And in that CHOICE lays tremendous power.”
- When assessing a situation, behavior or event, give yourself the time to explore the possibilities and facts before allowing a knee jerk interpretation. If you assign blame to others you are likely going down a path where you are not in control of the interpretation. You will be looking for someone else to do all the changing in order to improve the situation.
- Determine your role in contributing to or participating in the problem or situation. Avoid making it all about other people and the “unfair” world. Put yourself in the position of being the key interpreter of the outcome and how the story or drama unfolds.
- Be aware of confirmation bias. When you interpret things to suit your assumptions or seek facts to prove only what you believe. Challenge your assumptions. Be open to all possibilities. Understand the balance of applying both wisdom AND compassion in interpretation.
- Learn how to reframe. This skill of opening or widening the “picture” frame through which you view events or situations allows us to see things through the eyes of others, create alternative interpretations and find gratitude in the most difficult circumstances. More importantly it gives us the power of choice and control of the drama being played out.
No drama in The Triangle,