November, 2011 | Lorne Rubis

A Moment of Truth …Just Before the EMTs Arrive!

Key Point: great organizations are built on a strong cultural foundation that involves people at all levels showing care for each other daily. Yes, people and companies usually are extraordinary in being caring and responsive when emergencies happen. But the ability to endure and have super hero strength under crisis comes from the practice of daily care and support. Daily practice is the stamina, beyond the adrenalin for handling “the big one,” whatever that may be.

I was at a restaurant in England the other night with my European executive team. We were dining with execs from another company and it was a very important “get to know each other” meeting. Just as the main course was about to arrive, one of my team members passed out. As we jumped out of our chairs to get to his side, he came to. But before we could determine his status, he passed out again …his eyes rolling to the back of his head, his dress shirt soaked with sweat. In that moment, it was scary but easy to know what to do. We immediately called the ambulance, and in the meantime did what we could to keep him conscious and upright; including being at the ready with CPR. We wiped his brow, and physically held on to him until the emergency medical technicians arrived. Of course we stayed with him until he was given medical clearance, got him safely home, and then followed up to be sure. Thank goodness he was (and is) alright.

When emergencies happen to team mates, we usually come through for each other. I am always heartened by how generous and loving people are with each other under these crises circumstances at the company where I’m the CEO. The stories and examples of generosity are truly remarkable. My challenge is to have people demonstrate that level of care to each other without an emergency being the motivator.

Character Move:

Do not wait for a crisis to show your care for fellow workers. Do one thing to show care and encouragement for each other daily. Lead with acts of support wherever you can, including sincere encouragement and acknowledgment.
The way to have faith in team work is to demonstrate it daily, then the team work and care as a cultural norm arrives. It doesn’t happen the other way around. Most spiritual scholars believe that mercy precludes faith; not the other way around. I believe the same principle applies in the work place.
Avoid thinking that “it is only work” so why give of oneself? Doesn’t caring take energy? Yes it does. Work is life and life includes work. They are inseparable.
Do not worry if people are competing and those jobs and promotions are “scarce.” Compete against yourself and the right things happen in the long run. Be an ECP (Everyday Caring Person).

ECP before EMT’s in The Triangle,

Lorne

Practice IS Life …Enjoy and Embrace It

Abundance Growth mindset Purpose

Key Point: Pablo Casals, the renowned cellist, practiced his cello three hours every day. One day when the revered Casals was near the end of his life (at age 93), and well after he had achieved world wide acclaim, a neighbor asked him why he still practiced so much. Casals responded, “I believe I’m beginning to notice some improvement.”

Julius Barnes in his beautifully written 2011 Man Booker Prize-winning book, The Sense of an Ending, captures the feelings of the retired protagonist who laments, “Later in life, you think you expect a bit of a rest don’t you? You think you deserve it. Anyway, I did. But then you begin to understand the reward of merit is not life’s business.”

Character Move:

Resolve to purposefully practice the elements of the Character Triangle every day: consciously practice being a better listener, practice using STP, do one kind act with intention every day, and take on one thing you’re avoiding each week (build your own practice plan).
Recognize that “sharpening the saw” never ends. It also means that to go forward one has to sometimes make a mistake. It feels like going backward but often is the foundation for new growth. Persevere; accept and go forward, one step every day.
Make practice part of your life, not a part in your life.

Starting to notice improvement in The Triangle,

Lorne

Imagine Your Plane is About to CRASH…

Accountability

Key Point: our ego sometimes works counterproductively when we try to be “right”, when we get into win/lose situations. The best choice is to understand that relationships with the people we love and care about matters the most. Choosing to love, forgive, and be happy is more important than fighting to “be right.”

Ric Elias had a front-row seat on Flight 1549, the plane that crash-landed in the Hudson River in New York in January 2009. What went through his mind as the doomed plane went down? At TED, he tells his story publicly for the first time. I encourage you to watch his five minute inspirational talk.

In the video Mr. Elias is reflective, “I was given the gift of a miracle, of not dying that day. I was given another gift; I was able to see into the future and come back and live differently. I challenge you guys that are flying today, imagine the same thing happens on your plane — and please don’t — but imagine, and how would you change? What would you get done that you’re waiting to get done because you think you’ll be here forever? How would you change your relationships and the negative energy in them?”

As the flight (just barely) cleared the George Washington Bridge, the following went through Ric’s mind, “I thought about, wow, I really feel one real regret. I’ve lived a good life. In my own humanity and mistakes, I’ve tried to get better at everything I tried. But in my humanity, I also allow my ego to get in. And I regretted the time I wasted on things that did not matter with people that matter. And I thought about my relationship with my wife, with my friends, with people. And after, as I reflected on that, I decided to eliminate negative energy from my life. It’s not perfect, but it’s a lot better. I’ve not had a fight with my wife in two years. It feels great. I no longer try to be right; I choose to be happy.”

Character Move:

Give thanks this Thanksgiving holiday by reflecting on where you might be wasting time with people who matter the most. What are the areas in your life where you waste time trying to be right rather than accepting and letting go? It really isn’t that important.
In the spirit of being self accountable, identify what you can do to change that waste of negative energy. Where can you choose to be happy more than fighting to be right?
Give yourself the miracle of not crashing on that plane and attending to what matters most.

The gift of living in the Triangle,

Lorne

Are You Improving Your PERMA Score?

Abundance Books Well-being

Key Point: “Habits of thinking need not be forever. One of the most significant findings in psychology in the last twenty years is that individuals can choose the way they think.” ~ Martin Seligman

As I blog and discuss the Character Triangle, I emphasize the importance of being able to establish a habit system to reinforce Accountability, Respect, and Abundance as a way of life. Establishing a “thinking and doing process” that becomes habitual is critical for emotional and physical advancement, and this leads to greater happiness. Two things happen when you feel happier in your life. First, you catch on to the fact you have a choice in how you see the world. Second, you let go of what doesn’t work.

The persistent, challenging and immensely broad work emanating from Martin Seligman has offered the most illuminating light regarding habitual thinking. (Seligman, 1992, 2002, 2011; Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi, 2001; Seligman, Ernst, Gillham, Reivich, and Linkins, 2009.) Such history has (recently) yielded a new chant for those seeking to flourish (read more). PERMA is the acronym for well-being reflected in our Positive emotion, Engagement (being aware of feelings as they happen), Relationships (relating to others well), Meaning (purpose), and Achievement (PERMA).

In an interview last summer Martin Seligman said, “Well being (happiness) is not just the absence of misery; it is the presence of real things.” Doing something for someone else is the single biggest, most mood-lifting boost you can give yourself. For another way, before you go to sleep at night write down three things that went well today, and why they went well. “It is addicting. Six months later in random assignment placebo-controlled tests, people who do this are happier, with higher life satisfaction and lower depression.” For a higher PERMA score – be conscious of the things that go well in your life.

Character Move: take action, one small manageable step at a time, to improve your PERMA and habit thinking score. Doing so will reinforce the Character Triangle becoming a habit and better enriching your life on a daily basis.

PERMA is the Character Triangle,

Lorne

Taking It and Giving It!

Accountability Management Teamwork

Key Point: strong leaders take the heat when things are bad, and share the praise when things are good.

“…For the 36 companies we studied, …higher-ambition CEOs assume personal responsibility when things are bad and they give collective credit when things are good. These companies exemplify elements of both strong collective and individual leadership. Both — when used in the right situations — are essential for creating economic as well as social value.”

The above quote is from a recent Harvard Business blog which captured learning from research conducted by Tobias Fredberg and Flemming Norrgren. Most of us know from personal experience how demotivating it is when you work for someone who tries to squash your head in a vice when things go wrong. And then when the reverse happens there is no collective acknowledgment or recognition; the boss takes prime responsibility for the great result. In the long run this often builds simmering resentment amongst team members. Over time they leave and bring their talents elsewhere.

Character Move:

Don’t be that “guy.” Have the courage to take the heat and protect your team when things go wrong (attack the process and fix things …develop the person).
Be generous in praise when things go well. Share it. It will come back in many ways.

Taking and giving in the Triangle,

Lorne

Do You Have the Courage & Skills to TALK to each other?

Accountability Collaboration Productivity

Do you “chicken out” with texts or emails? We need more live conversations… …period!

Most of us have seen and even participated in the strings of unproductive emails that lead nowhere. In their wake they have left a carnage of wasted time and bruised egos. This increasing trend to using digital media for conflict resolution is a lousy use of digital tools. These tools are better suited for conversation, clarity, and confirmation but usually NOT for conflict resolution or problem solving. Emailing and texting may be easier and less stressful (initially), but become convenient vehicles of issue and conflict avoidance. Having disagreements and the ability to constructively resolve them are necessary for the progression of any group. We need to embrace the idea of positive conflict, and NOT get slicker at avoiding it, with the right context and medium. And that usually means us talking to each other. Yes, good ole fashioned face to face, “kitchen table” dialogue.

A recent Harvard Business Review blog noted the following difficulties with digital media for conflict resolution and decision making:

It is hard to get the EQ (emotional intelligence) right in email. The biggest drawback and danger with email is that the tone and context are easy to misread. In a live conversation, how one says something, with modulations and intonations, is as important as what they are saying. With email it is hard to get the feelings behind the words.
Email and text often promote reactive responses, as opposed to progress and action to move forward. Going back to the zero latency expectation in digital communications, it is hard for people to pause and think about what they should say. One of my colleagues suggests not reacting to any incendiary message until you have at least had a night to sleep on it, and always trying to take the higher ground in email. While by definition reactive responses occur in live discourse, they are usually more productive. The irony is that while email, as an asynchronous channel, has the potential to be more thoughtful, it often promotes the opposite tendency to be immediately reactive. Why? Because the bark is almost always bigger than the bite behind remote digital shields.
Email prolongs debate. Because of the two reasons above, I have seen too many debates continue well beyond the point of usefulness. Worse, I have experienced situations which start relatively benignly over email, only to escalate because intentions and interests are easily misunderstood online. When I ask people if they have called or asked to meet the counterpart to try and reach a resolution, there is usually a pause, then a sad answer of “no.”

Character Move:

Develop your own framework for determining when to use email/ text or to have a live conversation. Have the courage to make personal, authentic, live contact. Be timely! Don’t avoid it and let it stew.
Decide to become a MASTER communicator by consciously building a dialogue tool set. It will be one of the most important things you can do for bettering your personal and professional life. If you cannot describe the communication tools and skills you practice then I think you’re kidding yourself about how effective you are (e.g. the STP tool for listening and problem solving in the “free resources” section of www.lornerubis.com.
Stop that next unproductive email string, and talk live to your counterpart(s). Keep consciously practicing your “crucial conversation” skills. Embrace the opportunity.

Talking Live and Real in the Triangle,

Lorne